Daily Archives: November 3, 2007

WAC: Whiten Your Teeth and Brighten Your IQ Now!

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Incisor and Cranium Division
Inebriated Press
November 3, 2007

Tired of a yellow smile that makes folks think your teeth are made of cheese curds? Wish your IQ was higher than 55 but can’t concentrate enough to know for sure? Want whiter teeth and a bigger brain? Well dump the tears, slam some beers and sign up for change! Brighten, whiten and put bling in your cranium today!

Get dazzling white teeth and a dazzling new IQ in just weeks!

That’s right; you can have teeth that shine like the sun and a mind to match! Out smile and out think everyone you know and do it now! Don’t get caught up using expensive slimy stuff on your teeth for months because of promises they’ll be whiter, while you get nauseous instead! And forget all that hype about books and college that ends up taking years off your life while it barely nudges your IQ toward workaday level. Get a bright brain and teeth to match for less than $50 a week and in four weeks or less!

Add 75 IQ points and discover 10 new light spectrums in under a month!

How can we make your brain and teeth brighter for a couple hundred bucks and do it in a few weeks? It may seem complicated, but it’s really pretty simple. By combining our ability to acquire unusual products inexpensively with the desire of the Russian government to export both radioactive and genetically modified materials, we’ve joined forces to create a single product that will juice up your teeth and brain so fast and so well that you’ll wonder why you hadn’t invented it yourself! Ronco’s “CraniGum” is the result of this amazing breakthrough and by chewing it for only five minutes each day for four weeks we guarantee your teeth will be their whitest and your brain will think things you’ve never imagined before in your life!

Order your four week supply of CraniGum today! Just mail $200.00 in cash along with your name and address to:

Ronco Media Incisor and Cranium Division
Attn: Spent Nuke & GMO Level 5
Box 1234567
New York, New York 54321


Fine print: CraniGum is a unique product with unknown characteristics that may cause things other than teeth alteration and Intelligence Quotient modification. Some risks may apply. Some shit we couldn’t have guessed might happen. Ronco Media is not liable for anything.

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Filed under Humor, IP WAC