Breaking News: Adolph Hitler Was a Woman

Investigators discover estrogen in bunker

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
November 12, 2007

Inebriated investigative reporters have discovered that German leader and Dictator Adolph Hitler was actually a woman pretending to be a man and on occasions a human being.  Secret tests on the burned out bunker where Hitler met her fate have found high levels of estrogen present and indicate that Eva Braun and Adolph Hitler were both women.  Nazi historians say the new revelation “blows the lid off” of history and that now documents stating Hitler went berserk after being jilted by a Jewish tailor named Izzy begin to make more sense.  Not everyone views the new discovery as accurate or ground breaking.

“Anyone who says Hitler was a woman is full of shit,” said Arnold Toynbee a historian who passed away in 1975.  “While I hate to admit he was of my gender, the fact remains that Hitler was a guy.  A little on the gay side probably and confused about sex, genetics, the nature of life and clearly deprived of common sense.  But alas, a guy just the same.”

Investigators said that estrogen tracking Geiger Counters never lie and that they clearly show high levels of estrogen are present in an area suspected to have been the bunker hiding Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun while the Allies closed in on them.  That or it’s the place where a field of mares have been urinating under a tree at the edge of a pasture.  Either way, the investigators are certain of female presence near the area and have shaken off arguments that no estrogen tracking Geiger Counters exist and other bothersome facts.  They remain staunch in their conclusions.

“Me and Bob stayed at the bar until almost 3 this morning examining the facts and slamming whiskey shots and we’re still convinced that Hitler had involvement in one of the Wars,” said an Inebriated investigative reporter who refused to give his name, fearing publicity.  “That’s enough to prove to us that she was a woman alright.  Damned fascist bitch with a glued on mustache and flat chested and ugly as hell.  No wonder she was so pissed off at the world after the Jewish tailor dumped her.”

In other news, historian Arnold Toynbee remains dead and refuses to speculate on whether Hillary Clinton is actually a man and if that’s the reason Bill Clinton did what he did with interns in the Oval Office.  “She waxes her upper lip,” admitted Toynbee.  “But that in itself doesn’t define what’s going on here.”

© 2007

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