Protein and yellow color assure weight loss
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
November 15, 2007
A Louisiana woman lost 200 pounds in only 21 days by using a new diet she says was developed by NASA and is being used to manage the weight of astronauts. Elsie Travilla a blonde bombshell who arrived at womanhood out of shape and weighing around 325 pounds says she adopted the egg yoke diet and it has changed her life.
“I was in terrible shape at 17 until I got on the astronaut’s egg yoke diet,” said Elsie a lithe 125 pound blonde whose glance weakens the knees of guys 15 and older. “It’s the combination of protein and the color yellow that does the trick. I think it’s the color most of all.”
NASA has denied that their astronauts are on a diet involving egg yokes but recently admitted that most Shuttle crews drink heavily and subsist on a diet of Jack Daniels and Wild Turkey. “We’re not big on protein, although I’ve heard of it,” said NASA Administrator Michael Griffin waxing the head of some bald guy wearing roller skates. “I like the color yellow though. Reminds me of the moon. I like the moon.”
Shuttle astronauts returned to earth last week following a 15-day mission. A dramatic and challenging moment came on Saturday ahead of the landing, when the shuttle crew and the three astronauts aboard the international space station teamed up to repair a damaged solar wing. Using wire cutters, pliers and homemade tools, Scott Parazynski made the repairs in a single unplanned spacewalk.
“I wouldn’t have been able to move around the wing on the spacewalk without the color yellow and a couple egg yokes,” Parazynski said, according to nearby hitch-hikers who observed the effort. “Sometimes Wild Turkey just isn’t enough to get you through a job like that. Sure it can give you false courage and that’s important on every shuttle flight, but some yellow protein seems to help too. And that’s not just the alcohol talking. I really believe that.”
In other news, lithe blonde babes don’t always know what NASA is up to but are often worth more than the color yellow; and that’s according to a secret NASA document found under the stairs at Johnson Space Center in Houston.
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