Mariah Carey Rents Ass as Table

Billionaire Sheik pays her to set his drink on her butt

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
November 26, 2007

In a surprise to most folks with common sense pop singer Mariah Carey has rented her ass to an Arab sheik to use as a drink holder.  Reportedly the sheik paid Carey one million dollars to put his drink on her butt for fifteen minutes.  Human rights groups expressed shock and dismay, but ass lovers said that properly respected an ass can be used for many things. 

“Mariah Carey’s ass is her own and she can rent it to whomever she pleases,” said Mister Ed, a talking horse and well known ass lover.  “It’s the nature of freedom and financial gain to allow anyone to sell or rent anything to anybody for any amount of money.  And I’m not just saying that because I can talk.”

Rights advocates have clashed with ass lovers off and on over the years with rights groups claiming too much freedom for the asses of people risked a decline in value of humankind and ass lovers saying that what they did with their asses was their own business.  The “Mariah Ass Rental Incident” has heightened the debate over personal freedom, money and what constitutes prostitution.

“It’s not right to rent your body to others even if it’s just your ass and you get a million bucks,” said Nelson Mandela, a human rights advocate and connoisseur of fine asses.  “Any time someone trades the freedom of their ass for money, it degrades humanity and pretty soon people will even sell their time and labor for money … or something like that.”

In other news, one mans ass is another mans horse.  And one mans horse is another mans ride.  And one mans ride is another mans taxi.  And one mans taxi is another mans business.  And one mans business is another mans competition.  And one mans competition is another mans pain in the ass.  And one mans pain in the ass is another mans drink holder.  When laundering delicates adjust the settings on your washer.

© 2007

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