US agrees to talks with Iran, considers gun ban

Iran wants nukes, U.S. ponders banning personal weapons

Inebriated Press
November 26, 2007

The U.S. Supreme Court said it will decide whether Washington, D.C.’s longstanding handgun-possession ban is constitutional, and the United States has accepted an Iraqi proposal to hold new talks with Iran about the security situation in Iraq, the State Department said last week.  So while Iran arms terrorists in Iraq with weapons and offers to talk, the U.S. ponders banning law abiding citizens of its own country from owning a handgun.  Some feel that repressing the rights of U.S. citizens is okay and feel that suppressing Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons and giving arms to terrorists is not.  The debate goes on.

“No American should possess a personal weapon regardless of what the Constitution says,” said ACLU’s Anthony Romero, trying on a new pair of underwear and cursing freedom.  “And it’s high time that the U.S. stopped harassing terrorists inside and outside this country and let them behead whomever they want.  The world will be a better place once American civil liberties are throttled and Islamofascists rights to do what they want are respected.”

The high court hasn’t ruled directly on individual Second Amendment rights in almost 70 years. Although the court could rule narrowly on the D.C. ban, both gun rights and antigun advocates hope the court will bring more clarity to Second Amendment gun rights in the U.S.  Meanwhile weapons stating ‘Made in Iran’ have been found among Iraqi insurgent strongholds but Iran denies any involvement.

“Iranian military material is of such high quality that many illegal bombs made by Americans say ‘Made in Iran’ and we can’t control that,” said Iranian bomb-maker Albert Einstein, speaking under an assumed name that he personally hates because of its Jewish connection.  “One day all things will say ‘Made in Iran’ on them and the world will bow before our peace loving might or risk holy nuclear holocaust.  God willing.”

Iran has long been accused by Washington of training, arming and funding Shiite extremists inside Iraq to kill American troops.  But in recent weeks, U.S. officials have said Tehran appears to have slowed the flow of arms across its border into Iraq.  Iran has denied the arms-funneling accusations, insisting that it is doing its best to help stabilize its embattled western neighbor by merely ‘seeking to take it over’.

The Washington D.C. handgun appeal argues that legal precedent on gun ownership has determined the Second Amendment “is limited to weapons possession and use in connection with service in state-regulated militias” and say that individuals don’t have the right to own guns and may not even have the right to free speech or to vote.

“The United States has gotten freedom of the individual way overblown,” said Judy Sushi a fish loving anti-gun advocate who questions all individual rights except for her own.  “It’s high time that personal rights are subordinate to the State and the State and the IRS are worshiped as the gods that they are.  And I’m not just saying that because of all the leaden-antifreeze-melamine-based Chinese fish I just ate.  I do feel a little bloated though.”

In other news, Senator Nancy Pelosi says guns aren’t necessary in society and the sooner everyone starts worshiping her, the quicker things will improve.  Thus far she has declined to define ‘improve’.

© 2007

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