Supreme Court Ruling Changes American Election Process
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
November 27, 2007
In a stunning announcement the U. S. Supreme Court has ruled that the Emmy-nominated reality show “Dancing with the Stars” airing on ABC Television, will determine the next President of the United States. Chief Justice John Roberts issued a statement indicating that all of the Judges backed the decision which they based on vagaries in the American Constitution and some little known details involving reality, television and some offhand remarks once make by Benjamin Franklin. Media reports circulating say all current presidential candidates are hurriedly signing up for dance classes.
“This new twist in the American election scene is certain to impact both the primaries and the election itself,” said election historian and bingo caller Marge Simpson, a blue haired babe who moonlights as a toon. “But in the end I think the process is fair, only a little random, and certainly will make the election much more entertaining.”
Not everyone thinks the TV program is good for American politics. “Being able to avoid getting voted off of a TV show is no way to become leader of the most powerful nation in the world,” said Ralph Nader, a stuffy old guy who would complain even if he was being hung with a new rope. “I admit that the current approach of lies, innuendo, attack advertising and such isn’t really all that much fun for voters, but that kind of back stabbing is a long standing tradition among politicians in the U.S. To abandon lying and cheating and replace it with dance moves shifts the election landscape in favor of folks who have physical coordination and that’s no way to choose a leader.”
“Dancing with the Stars” is a U.S. TV show based on the United Kingdom BBC Television series “Strictly Come Dancing” and is part of BBC Worldwide’s international “Dancing with the Stars” franchise. The show pairs a celebrity with a professional dancer. The professional dancer is responsible for teaching the celebrity how to perform specific dances, which the pair performs live on the show each week. The dancers are scored by a panel of three professional ballroom judges. Additionally, viewers of the program may vote by phone, text message, or online methods. The team which receives the lowest total score (a combination of the judges’ scores and viewer votes) each week is eliminated from the competition.
The current season of the TV series is hosted by Emmy Award-winning game show host and television personality, Tom Bergeron, and E! reporter Samantha Harris. For the first three weeks of this season, season two celebrity champion Drew Lachey co-hosted with Bergeron while Harris was on maternity leave. It appears that the presidential dancing judges may include some combination of Henry Kissinger, Chevy Chase, Jennifer Lopez and Sandra Day O’Connor.
In related news, politicians continue to dance around issues and Hillary Clinton is the clear front runner in dodging and weaving while the remaining candidates of all parties stare in disbelief at the spell Clintons’ dancing has cast on the media. “They still worship the ground she dances on,” said Barack Obama during an interview at The Juilliard School of Dance and Pretending. “You’d think all the lies and repositioning would catch up with her but she just keep spinning around and everyone seems mesmerized. Guess I’d better get on the stick and start shuffling if I’m going to have a shot!”
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