Babes and O.J. Simpson in Peanut Butter Scandal

Condiment tied to Las Vegas activity

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
November 28, 2007

Breaking news from Las Vegas later tonight will indicate a confusing love triangle involving women with various hair colors, O.J. Simpson and several brands of peanut butter.  Officials at ConAgra Foods deny any involvement by Peter Pan but insiders at several Vegas casinos say different.   An investigation by pharmaceutical companies is underway and is rumored to include four out of five dentists.  A reporter covering the Simpson trial initially broke the story.  We have exclusive coverage.

“I saw a blonde and a red head climb into a limo carrying several containers of peanut butter,” said the reporter who works for a major media network, but who refused to share their identity with us out of fear that someone reading this may know them.  “I’m almost positive that they were going to do something with it and I’d heard it had something to do with Peter Pan or O.J. Simpson.  I don’t know if it was a guy named Pan or the peanut butter, but I know that condiments involving nuts were tied to the planned activity.  I’m not sure if it was O.J. that was nuts or the peanut butter, I admit the details are sketchy but that’s usually for the best in this town.”

Subsequent statements and discussion about nuts and protein content revealed confusing details.  A bystander, who also refused to share his name with us, said that he had actually seen a blonde open the lid of a peanut butter container.  “I’ve no idea what she was planning to do with it, but I’m sure it was going to be disgusting,” said the unnamed person.  “And I know about disgusting because I spent a day O.J.’s trial in L.A.”

Peanut butter is a food paste made primarily from ground roasted peanuts, with or without added oil.  It is popular primarily in the United States, Australia, the United Kingdom, Canada, South Africa, Papua New Guinea, New Zealand, The Netherlands, the Philippines and Saudi Arabia.

O. J. Simpson is a retired American football player who achieved stardom as a running back at the collegiate and professional levels, and was the first NFL player to rush for more than 2,000 yards in a season.  Simpson is infamous for having been tried for the murder of ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman in 1994.  He was acquitted in criminal court in 1995 after a lengthy, highly publicized trial.  In 1997, Simpson was found liable for their deaths in civil court, but to date has paid little of the $33.5 million judgment.  In September 2007 Simpson faced more legal troubles, as he was arrested in Las Vegas and subsequently charged with numerous felonies including but not limited to robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm, assault with a deadly weapon, first degree kidnapping with use of a deadly weapon (which carries a possible life sentence), coercion with use of a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery, conspiracy to commit kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit a crime.

Disgust is an emotion that is typically associated with things that are perceived as unclean, inedible, or infectious.  In “The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals”, Charles Darwin wrote that disgust refers to something revolting.  Primarily in relation to the sense of taste, as actually perceived or vividly imagined; and secondarily to anything which causes a similar feeling, through the sense of smell, touch, and even of eyesight.  Disgust is one of the basic emotions of Robert Plutchik’s theory of emotions.  Disgust invokes a characteristic facial expression, one of Paul Ekman’s six universal facial expressions of emotion.  The term has been used frequently to describe O.J. Simpson’s behavior and most of the trials he has participated in as a defendant.

© 2007

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