Cheney sees nude Hillary photos, heart skips a beat

Characteristically tough against Dem’s, VP weakens when confronted with jugs

Inebriated Press
November 28, 2007

Cardiologists say Vice President Dick Cheney’s episode of irregular heart rhythm will not likely affect his immediate health — but the condition could point to a worsening of his continuing heart problems unless he stays away from certain Internet websites.  Earlier this year Bill Clinton sold shower photo’s of his wife and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton to raise money after the arrest of Democrat fundraiser Norman Hsu.  Hsu was channeling funds to the Clinton’s using illegal methods.  Reportedly VP Cheney was doing “political research” when he stumbled upon the nude photo’s which caused the “fluttering” of his heart and another undisclosed organ.

“The Vice President is doing fine, is stable, and is again able to fit into his pants comfortably,” said a cardiologist at George Washington University Hospital covering his name tag.  “We momentarily flashed a picture of a fake newspaper declaring Hillary Clinton the new president of the United States and shocked the heart back into rhythm.  As long has he stays away from her nude pictures on the web and carries the fake newspaper around with him in case of an emergency, he should be okay.”

Cheney’s doctor detected his irregular heartbeat, technically known as atrial fibrillation, Monday morning when the vice president visited because of concerns over a lingering cough, believed to be from a cold.  During the exam he admitted that he began feeling “funny” after viewing the nude photos of Senator Clinton on his computer.

“We believe that his strong negative feelings about the politics of Democrats and Hillary in particular, clashed with the carnal feelings he began having toward the nude Democrat he was viewing in the shower photos,” said cardio-psychotherapist Larry Craig, currently a recovering Senator known to frequent airports.  “When the emotions crisscrossed his brain it resulted in the release of body chemicals causing his pants to feel uncomfortably tight.  Within moments his heart started misfiring.  As I understand it something similar used to happen during the Bill Clinton presidency, but Bill just took off his pants and relived the pressure.”

Still, cardiologists say the finding is not good news for Cheney.  “Looks like he likes something about Democrats after all,” said DNC chair Howard Dean.  “I always figured he had a weakness somewhere.  The DNC may send some female flashers to the Republican convention next year just to see what happens.”

In other news, Nancy Pelosi says she’s jealous that no one has posted nude photos of her online and may start a website of her own.  Barack Obama is reportedly considering releasing nude photos of himself so he can match Hillary point for point during the presidential race.

© 2007

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