Currently works at a drive-in restaurant in Iowa
Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
December 6, 2007
Saddam Hussein the Iraqi dictator is alive and working at a Sonics Drive-in Restaurant in Sioux City, Iowa, according to an Inebriated investigative reporter. The Iraqi leader was hanged by his countrymen in 2006 after a trial proving that he bombed his own citizens with poison gas ‘just for fun’. Hussein argued that killing one another is a time honored Middle Eastern tradition; the Iraqi government agreed, but bowed to Western pressure and decided to hang him anyway. Inebriated reporter Yoko Ono said Hussein lived through the ordeal and after being smuggled into the U.S. via Mexico is now working in the fast food industry.
“He’s serving burgers and fries at a drive-in and wears roller skates to get around,” said reporter Ono, humming the Beatle’s tune ‘Yesterday’. “He’s a good server and quick on the skates. He did a figure eight and hooked the tray with my chow on it all in one motion. That Sonic stuff is darn tasty too.”
Critics of ridiculous claims say it’s not Hussein. “Hussein was hanged until he was dead,” said B. R. Crysler a film critic and guy who doubts everything except that Elvis is alive and living in Alabama. “If Hussein was alive he’d be selling pharmaceuticals at Walgreen’s where he wouldn’t have to wear roller skates. I know the guy; he’s not the kind who wears skates.”
Saddam Hussein was the President of Iraq from July 16, 1979, until April 9, 2003. Captured by U.S. forces on December 13, 2003, Saddam was brought to trial under the Iraqi interim government set up by U.S.-led forces. On November 5, 2006, he was convicted of charges related to the executions of 148 Iraqi Shi’ites suspected of planning an assassination attempt against him, and was sentenced to death by hanging. Sonic Corporation is an American fast-food restaurant chain based in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, that creates the drive-in diner feel of the 1950s, complete with carhops who often wear roller skates. There were 3,290 restaurants in 34 states, plus one in Mexico, as of May 31, 2007.
In other news, Yoko Ono claims she’s not an Inebriated reporter and has never met Saddam Hussein at a drive-in restaurant, but supporters of the theory of relativity say that darn near anything is possible.
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