Dissatisfied with gals from Jupiter?
Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
November 7, 2007
In a twist that changes the entire debate about aliens and rectal probing, a recent communiqué intercepted by NASA radio wave scientists in Alabama reveals that aliens from other planets are coming to earth to pick up prostitutes. NASA’s VLF receiver harvested the sounds and after filtering out noise from automobile traffic and NASDAQ market reports, was able to isolate come-on lines used by aliens to get hookers to ‘take a trip’ with them.
“The communication was between two aliens from Jupiter exchanging tips on what lines worked best to get earth chicks or hookers to come with them,” said scientist and consumer advocate Murphy ‘Mustang’ Howitzer. “Lines like ‘hey baby check out this leather’ was standard lingo they apparently used, but not very effectively I don’t think. They seemed to have had more success when they pursued hookers with lines like ‘five hundred for one time around the block’.”
Not everyone thinks the project has detected aliens pursuing earth women. “I’ve heard the same lines from guys at a party when I went to the University of Idaho,” said Jane Doe, an earth woman whose name is frequently used to refer to no one in particular. “If I didn’t prefer to remain anonymous I’d tell you other things that went on at those parties. I really think that NASA was just listening in on a call between a couple college guys. Although I wouldn’t be very surprised to learn that aliens and college guys are basically alike.”
NASA’s mission ISIS 2 using the VLF Receiver was designed to study natural and man-made VLF signals. Specific objectives included the investigation of VLF propagation phenomena, ion and hybrid plasma resonances, and correlations between VLF emissions and intense fluxes of energetic particles. No attempt to track aliens or their conversations about hookers or earth girl’s hooters was attempted but scientists say they are enjoying the outcome.
In other news, rumors of aliens and hookers continue to spin in the American South where both are considered valuable to the economy.
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