Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Language Implant Division
December 8, 2007
Tired of struggling to learn a foreign language? Can’t keep everything in your brain well enough to know what language you’re trying to speak despite tons of effort on your part? Want to learn a language fast and start using it effectively right away? Well stop working so hard and spend the cash and know any language you want in moments! No shit, we aren’t kidding!
You can know any language you want and know it in less than one day’s time!
That’s right; you can “learn” any language in a matter of hours and be using it the same day like a natural. Speak Spanish, Russian, Japanese, Chinese (any dialect) Indian, German, French even English! And speak it the same day you complete your Ronco Media Language Implant Division appointment! Speak it the same day as though you’ve been doing it all your life and speak it effortlessly!
You can speak any language even better than the one you were born with and do it now!
How in the world can we offer you such an amazing opportunity and not be lying like Arab traders from medieval days? It may seem complicated, but it’s really pretty simple. Ronco Media working with secret high technology linguists and part time brain surgeons has developed an implantable language chip that contains all of the neuro brain wiring pathways with historically accurate language centers from natural foreign language speakers and hard coded it all onto a tiny silicon chip! We surgically implant this chip containing the language that you desire, into the special area of your brain that contains your speaking functions. Once you’re conscious, you not only know the language you went to sleep with; you also know the new one! It’s that easy!
Order the language implant of your choice by sending $750,000 in cash or negotiable securities to:
Ronco Media Language Implant Division
Attn: Babylon 7
New York, New York 54321
Fine print: Not all implants are as effective as promised and some have been known to interfere with normal brain activities. Some chips contain unmanageable obscenity laced statements that may offend others who speak that language. Other stuff could happen over which Ronco Media has no control. Ronco Media isn’t liable for anything.
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