Confused Pilots Land on Postage Stamp

Say Google Maps Mislead Them

Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
December 11, 2007

Two North Carolina pilots, reputed to be relatives of Wilber and Orville Wright, have safely landed a Boeing 747 on a postage stamp inside a wax museum near Charlotte.  The plane gently touched down with its running gear lowered and locked in the wee hours last Thursday night, according to observers.  The American Airlines jet was supposed to land at Dulles Airport in Virginia so passengers were noticeably irritated when disembarking in the museum.

“I’m going to be late for my dental scraping appointment and I just hate that,” said Zippy Chemlawn, a wealthy lawn care specialist with a bad case of gingivitis.  “Don’t these airlines care about oral health at all?”

The pilots, both with over five hours of experience, were pressed into service after the Hollywood writers strike resulted in several professional long time pilots leaving to write sitcoms for NBC Television.  Neither of the two fliers would allow their name to be used and kept referring to each other as Thing One and Thing Two.  Thing One said the flight had gone well until they landed at the wrong location.  Thing Two concurred with Thing One and complained that Google Maps had messed up.

“We think something in an algorithm went wrong because we ended up on a postage stamp in Charlotte and we weren’t supposed to be there,” said Thing Two, snorting some white powder he said was for a sinus infection.  “Next time I’m using Map Quest.”

The owner of the Wax Museum said it was okay with them if pilots want to land on stamps at their place, as long as they don’t break their classic 45’s and LP’s.  Police said there isn’t an actual wax museum in Charlotte but said that an old record store called the “Wax Museum” is located in the city.  Police also denied that a 747 had landed in the store, but Thing One and Thing Two insist that it happened and this reporter believes them because I don’t have time to check it out due to the publishers’ deadline.  Besides, it rings true and if that’s good enough for politicians who believe Iran is no threat, then airliners landing on postage stamps in museums works for me.

© 2007

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