Free the breasts and ban the chickens

Chicago eyes ban, Prince Charles eyes boobs

Inebriated Press
December 13, 2007

Prince Charles flushed in embarrassment as he was greeted by women flashing their breasts during a charity reception yesterday.  The boobs were decorated with red fluffy bras that had golden crowns on them.  And in Chicago, the City Council debated banning chickens within the city.  Current law allows families to house up to three chickens in their yard.  The battle over breast meat and chest heat rages on two continents.

“I’m a firm believer that breasts and chests in unlimited number should be allowed to roam free on land and sea with or without golden crowns,” said Hugh Hefner, a religious icon at Playboy Publishing.  “The very idea that chickens and women should be restricted in any way is abhorrent.”

But not everyone agrees with ole’ Hef.  “Get the chickens out of town now and keep the boobs under wraps,” said Ralph Nader, a consumer advocate known to avoid both poultry and human breasts out of fear of salmonella and periodontal disease.  “When birds and boobs roam free they can spread disease of all kinds to untold thousands of innocent bystanders.  I don’t really know what I’m talking about but that hasn’t stopped me from speaking out before and it’s not stopping me now.”

Coming up before the Council in Chicago is a proposed vote to ban chickens, a former barnyard denizen that has pecked its way into cities across the country as part of a growing organic food trend among young professionals and other urban dwellers.  And Prince Charles was greeting guests at his London residence Clarence House for an event to mark the 10th anniversary of cancer charity Walk the Walk, when the ladies opened their tops.

Scientists say there’s really very little to fear from exposure to chickens or women’s breasts and recent studies indicate that while men prefer beef to chicken they prefer women’s breasts to chickens breasts.  Results of research on women’s preferences relating to men and beef are inconclusive as the report contained video that has recently been erased by the CIA.

“We’re not sure why the CIA erased our tapes, but they’re gone,” said scientist and breast wearer Evelyn Hopkins, PhD, double-d and free.  “I think it’s a guy thing but I don’t really care.”

In related news, 350 geese being farmed for Prince Charles’ organic food label, Duchy Originals, have been stolen in a raid.  The thieves also burned down the poultry barn at the Higher Fingle Farm in Cockernwell, Devon, killing 800 ducklings.  

“Had the Brit’s banned poultry that fire disaster could have been avoided,” said a stuffed shirt hanging on the back of a chair.  “If this kind of thing isn’t stopped who knows what’ll happen to fine breasts of all types before this is over.”  Reportedly a new organization is being formed.  The mission is to protect and enhance the freedom and protection of all kinds of breasts.  Men are currently queuing up in long lines of support.

© 2007

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