Bonnie and Clyde were pioneering coin collectors

Killed in a misunderstanding

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
December 20, 2007

In a cover-up recently flushed into the light by Inebriated reporter Bristol Meyers, it has been revealed that the notorious “Bonnie and Clyde” were not robbers and thieves at all, but merely misunderstood coin collectors hunted by jealous police officers all after the same nickel. 

“A proof of a 1913 buffalo head nickel with a three dimensional big breasted actress named Phoebe Jones on one side was accidentally put into circulation in 1931,” said Niki Long, an expert in nickels at the Certified Coin Exchange in Sarasota, Florida.  “It was well known that Clyde Barrow liked breasts and nickels and in 1931 he hooked up with Bonnie for her breasts, and then went on tour across the country trying to find the nickel.  People have tried to tell this story before but no one would listen.”

Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow died in a hail of gunfire on a desolate road near Bienville Parish, Louisiana in 1934.  The couple was considered notorious outlaws, robbers and criminals who traveled the Central United States during the Great Depression.  Their exploits were known nationwide.  They captured the attention of the American press and its readership during what is sometimes referred to as the “public enemy era” between 1931 and 1935.  Although the couple and their gang were notorious for their bank robberies, Clyde Barrow preferred to rob small stores or gas stations.  Most historians are convinced they were crooks.

“Parker and Barrow robbed and killed for money and excitement,” said Emil V. Baklog, a historian and wet blanket who never seems to get caught up on his work.  “To some extent I guess they were collecting coins, but they also took bills and lives pretty indiscriminately.  If they were just trying to find one nickel they were pretty darn violent about it.” 

In other news, Israeli Intelligence says that Iran still wants them wiped off the face of the earth, but Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says all he really wants is a nickel they have hidden someplace inside the country.

© 2007

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