Evolutionist surprises scientists who thought dogs would become trees
Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
December 24, 2007
Inebriated scientists hiding in an underground bunker in New Jersey have released a paper announcing that they’ve successfully projected the future of cats one million years from now. And they’ve found out that they used to be dogs. This has caused an eruption of controversy as other scientists were convinced that the bonding that some male dogs seem to have with trees and posts would have caused them to become trees themselves. The debate is raging as this sort of thing often does.
“Dogs will become trees in the future and that’s all there is to it,” said Norton Spamblocker, a scientist widely known for his discovery of nonplused chickens who refuse to be intimidated by knowledge of time and space. “These guys in New Jersey are just making stuff up.”
Evolutionary change, survival of the fittest, and the philosophy of continual improvement have been topics of speculation and debate for the past week as scientists have met in their annual “Scientists Convention Reprising Environment, Wisdom, Yada Yada” (SCREWYY). The convention which is often panned by journalists due to the lack of beer and public nudity, takes place each year just outside of Chicago at a pizza house that only serves New York style pies. The scientists who attend often do so out of boredom.
“SCREWYY in Chicago is a great place to be each year because there’s really nothing much going on back at UCLA nowadays,” said a scientist who declined to be identified but who admitted he liked cheese. “Unless you get out there and start making up outrageous stuff, you can’t really get ahead in the area of scientific theory nowadays. And nobody really wants to work at applied science that much. You just get into trouble over ethics and things when you start trying to do good.”
In other news, common Americans keep doing good and confused Islamofascists keep trying to stop it.
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