Signs up breast consultant for election run
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
December 28, 2007
As Hillary Clinton’s popularity in Iowa faded in the polls political consultants dug deep and discovered a way back: cleavage. A quick survey of the electorate found that many voters are positively influenced by cleavage and Hillary Clinton hasn’t been flashing much of it on the campaign trail. Experts say that can be changed and with it her fortunes. Yesterday the Clinton campaign hired Pamela Anderson, the chesty Baywatch gal whose popularity soared with her appearance in Playboy Magazine. There are no plans to put Hillary in the publication, but there is a strategy that will have her strutting her stuff and catching renewed attention.
“When we started the Clinton for President Campaign we said it was about the issues and not about Hillary being a woman,” said Clinton campaign manager Patti Solis Doyle, adjusting her bra. “But after the bump we got in the polls when Hillary said she was a woman trying to break into the boys club, and then the loss of traction we got when we tried just dodging the issues and talking trash instead, we decided to use sex as a weapon. But really, what woman doesn’t?”
Clinton’s popularity started slipping as voters began to realize that she has no experience running anything let alone a state or country, and is basically just a manipulator who ignores ethics and does whatever it takes to win. Pamela Anderson, besides being a hot babe, is known to be pretty smart. The Campaign is counting on her to help Hillary become more popular while still avoiding the issues.
“Hillary isn’t bad looking for her age, and if we enhance her chest, or just bump up her cup size and then add a plunging neckline, we can ratchet up her popularity pretty quickly,” said Pam Anderson, changing the size of her breasts from DD to EE and then back again. “She already has a lot of the women’s vote, now if we get the guys looking at her boobs and ignoring her politics, we think they’ll want to see her in office. It’s really pretty simple … just like most of the guys I know.”
In related news, advisors to Barack Obama say he may start carrying zucchini’s in his pants pockets if it’ll help get more of the women’s vote.
© 2007 InebriatedPress.com