Daily Archives: December 31, 2007

Designer Babies for Everyone

Deaf people want deaf babies; each to his own?

Inebriated Press
December 31, 2007

The UK’s Times Online reported last week that the chief executive of the Royal National Institute for Deaf and Hard of Hearing People said deaf parents should be allowed to screen their embryos so they can pick a deaf child over one that has all its senses intact.  Jackie Ballard said couples would prefer to create a child who is effectively disabled, to fit in better with the family lifestyle.  The idea is supported by organizations of crippled people as well as Alcoholics Anonymous.

“I grew up in a family of drunken and crippled people and I’m most comfortable having drunk crippled kids,” said Sam Spade, an alcoholic detective with a bad leg he got when he crashed while racing a fire truck for fun one day.  “Now that I want kids I should be able to have one that’s genetically altered to be born with a bad leg like mine.  I’d like that and believe it’s the right thing to do.” 

Not everyone agrees that genetics should be used to create designer babies, crippled or otherwise.  “We should continue to let random chance determine the sex and health of our kids and not try to change anything about them,” said Lucy Lu, an unknown Norwegian wrestler who would rather be an Asian actress.  “That’s the way I’ve approached my career and it’s the way everyone should live their lives.  The idea that we should try to influence the future in anyway is repulsive.  I’m a big fan of randomness and deny the whole cause and effect thing.”

To create a “designer baby” using preimplantation genetic diagnosis, couples need to go through in vitro fertilization (IVF) even if they could conceive naturally.  The embryos created are then genetically screened and normally only the healthy ones are implanted in the mother’s womb.  Doctors are opposed to creating deaf babies.  Professor Gedis Grudzinskas, medical director of the Bridge Centre, a clinic in London that screens embryos, said: “This would be an abuse of medical technology.  Deafness is not the normal state, it is a disability.   To deliberately create a deaf embryo would be contrary to the ethos of our society.”

But social activists say that not allowing deaf people or others with various mutations, to have children like themselves is discrimination and a violation of their civil rights.  As genetic manipulation continues to gain greater capability at less cost, more and more people will be able to afford to build their children and other life forms the way that they want.  Who will stop them, and should they be stopped? 

Up next, Einstein or Frankenstein, you make the call.

(C) 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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New Paris Hilton Sex Tape for Athletes

Tape holds jock and cup parts in place

Inebriated Press /Tabloid Division
December 31, 2007

Paris Hilton has teamed up with Nike and 3M to introduce a new adhesive tape that helps male athletes hold their jock straps and protective cups in place comfortably and without chaffing.  Called “Paris Hilton Tacky Sex Tape” it is grippy yet can be peeled free easily like a Post-it note.  Reportedly, athletes say that having a Paris Hilton holding their man-sex-package firmly in place is a dandy feeling.

“That tacky Paris Hilton Sex Tape keeps my balls snug when I’m playing sports or just thinking about it,” said amateur athlete Zesty Peterman, adjusting his set and smiling a lot.  “I think it’s the best thing invented since the tube sock.”

Paris Hilton, an American socialite and daughter of Richard Hilton heir to the Hilton Hotel chain, is widely known for her wild lifestyle and a sex tape released on the Internet some say for publicity reasons.  She is largely popular for popularity itself and has used it to do everything from modeling, to singing and writing.  Her wild partying and an alcohol-related reckless driving case ultimately put her in jail where she said she missed holding guys by the balls and ultimately came up with the idea that led to the Paris Hilton Tacky Sex Tape product.

“I really missed drinking and holding guys testicles in the palm of my hand when I was locked up in jail,” said Paris, munching on filberts and pondering the health benefits of tree nuts.  “That got me thinking about guys I’ve never met who have no one holding onto their parts and how uncomfortable that must be when they run and things start knocking around down there.  The next thing you know I’m thinking about stuffing Post-it notes in there to hold things in place.  One thought led to another.”

In related news, Paris Hilton Tacky Sex Tape will soon be available for Olympic athletes and will come with cute little flaming-torch patterns.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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