New Paris Hilton Sex Tape for Athletes

Tape holds jock and cup parts in place

Inebriated Press /Tabloid Division
December 31, 2007

Paris Hilton has teamed up with Nike and 3M to introduce a new adhesive tape that helps male athletes hold their jock straps and protective cups in place comfortably and without chaffing.  Called “Paris Hilton Tacky Sex Tape” it is grippy yet can be peeled free easily like a Post-it note.  Reportedly, athletes say that having a Paris Hilton holding their man-sex-package firmly in place is a dandy feeling.

“That tacky Paris Hilton Sex Tape keeps my balls snug when I’m playing sports or just thinking about it,” said amateur athlete Zesty Peterman, adjusting his set and smiling a lot.  “I think it’s the best thing invented since the tube sock.”

Paris Hilton, an American socialite and daughter of Richard Hilton heir to the Hilton Hotel chain, is widely known for her wild lifestyle and a sex tape released on the Internet some say for publicity reasons.  She is largely popular for popularity itself and has used it to do everything from modeling, to singing and writing.  Her wild partying and an alcohol-related reckless driving case ultimately put her in jail where she said she missed holding guys by the balls and ultimately came up with the idea that led to the Paris Hilton Tacky Sex Tape product.

“I really missed drinking and holding guys testicles in the palm of my hand when I was locked up in jail,” said Paris, munching on filberts and pondering the health benefits of tree nuts.  “That got me thinking about guys I’ve never met who have no one holding onto their parts and how uncomfortable that must be when they run and things start knocking around down there.  The next thing you know I’m thinking about stuffing Post-it notes in there to hold things in place.  One thought led to another.”

In related news, Paris Hilton Tacky Sex Tape will soon be available for Olympic athletes and will come with cute little flaming-torch patterns.

© 2007

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