Daily Archives: January 2, 2008

Outsource your pregnancy to India

Software or soft core; hardware or hard core?

Inebriated Press
January 2, 2008

The outsourcing of manufacturing to China and software programming to India has grown rapidly in recent years, but it’s about to be overtaken by what some say is the ultimate in the field of outsourcing:  outsourcing your pregnancy.  The Guardian Unlimited reports that the world is now outsourcing pregnancies to India.  A small clinic at Kaival Hospital in Anand matches couples from around the world with local women, cares for the women during pregnancy and delivery, and counsels them afterward.  Anand’s surrogate mothers, pioneers in the growing field of outsourced pregnancies, have given birth to roughly 40 babies.  I’m not making this up.

From the Guardian Unlimited:  “Every night in this quiet western Indian city, 15 pregnant women prepare for sleep in the spacious house they share, ascending the stairs in a procession of ballooned bellies, to bedrooms that become a landscape of soft hills…
A team of maids, cooks and doctors looks after the women, whose pregnancies would be unusual anywhere else but are common here. The young mothers of Anand, a place famous for its milk, are pregnant with the children of infertile couples from around the world…
Counseling is a major part of the process … the women [need] to think of the pregnancy as “someone’s child comes to stay at your place for nine months.'”

For some this “outsourcing” is heaven sent because they are physically unable to carry and give birth to a child themselves.  Like other “good to have services”, this may soon become a “want to have convenience” as wealthy families “farm out” the birthing of their kids to others.  And why shouldn’t they?  It costs around $10,000 to have someone in India have your kid for you and if you’ve got the cash you can avoid those nasty stretch marks, morning sickness, backaches and other inconvenient physical changes.  You can keep to your work routine and manage a couple of pregnancies at one time if you’d like several kids right away.  Imagine the flexibility and convenience! 

“We’re pregnant with six kids even as we speak,” said Sally Jones and Susie Clark, a lesbian couple who have dated for years and have had difficulty conceiving a child on their own.  “We used several sperm donors and in vitro fertilization and plan a potpourri of colorful kids that should all arrive next month.  We’re busy with other things but want a family.  It’ll be here in another 30 to 35 days!  We couldn’t be happier.”

Ethicists’ have long struggled to coalesce prostitution with individual rights.  The freedom of one person to sell another person their body for sex, or now, only the pregnancy and not the sex, can be seen as positive or negative, depending on what you believe and how you feel about it.  As the world becomes increasingly tolerant of the new and unique and old mores are set aside do we become freer and happier or entangled in legal and ethical confusion? 

“With great power, comes great responsibility,” taught Uncle Ben in the movie Spiderman.  Is this true?  Does having greater power to do things that could not have been done before create greater responsibility?  And can movies based on comic book characters provide a basis from which we can learn ethics?

Up next: everything is now in control, or, everything is now out of control.  You make the call – or pay someone else to do it for you.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Jerry Seinfeld’s new Sea Movie

Sequel to Bee Movie

Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
January 2, 2008

Following the success of his “Bee Movie” comedian Jerry Seinfeld is producing a second animated film named the “Sea Movie”.  Reportedly the movie is about an old man who lives by the sea and collects fragile and uniquely colored sea shells.  The plot twists when someone explains to the old man that he’s actually collecting prophylactic wrappers.

“I had a lot of fun with the ‘Bee Movie’ and wanted to continue the alphabet so I decided the ‘Sea Movie’ was the one to make next,” said Seinfeld, eating a lot of brand name foods and washing them down with multiple brand named drinks.  “I was going to do ‘A Movie’ but then I’d be going down the alphabet and couldn’t go any farther.  With the ‘Sea Movie’ I can still do a ‘Dee Movie’ in the future.  It makes good alphabetical sense.”

Some movie critics and experts of the alphabet say that Bee and Sea aren’t like B and C at all and really don’t mean much of anything.  “This A, Bee and Sea movie stuff makes no sense to me and I can’t see how it relates to either movies or to the alphabet,” said Susie Q, a woman who likes using one letter for her last name and frequents anchovy based restaurants.  “I like Jerry but don’t have a clue as to what he’s thinking or what the prophylactic wrappers are supposed to symbolize in the ‘Sea Movie’.”

“Bee Movie” is a Golden Globe-nominated computer animated film starring Jerry Seinfeld and Renée Zellweger.  Produced by DreamWorks Animation, it is directed by Simon J. Smith and Steve Hickner.  “Bee Movie” is the first motion-picture script to be written by Seinfeld, who co-wrote it with Spike Feresten, Barry Marder, and Andy Robin.  The upcoming “Sea Movie” will be directed by Tim Burton and co-written by Seinfeld and Stephen King. 

“The ‘Sea Movie’ will be one of the first pure horror animae films where the protagonist turns out to be a prophylactic wrapper collector,” said Stephen King, nervously looking over his left shoulder for sneaky evil stuff.  “If this film works out okay, I’m hoping Seinfeld will let me write the Dee movie with him.  I want it to be about a woman named Dee Dee who has double-D’s and likes to dance and drink and do other stuff involving the letter D.  I think it’d be a real hit.”

In related news, Roman numeral enthusiasts are disappointed in Seinfeld’s focus on the alphabet and think he should turn to numerals.  They say that in the long run it’s all that really “counts”.

© 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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