Daily Archives: January 3, 2008

Ripping CD’s for own use is illegal says industry lawyer

Just send money to music companies and listen to the radio

Inebriated Press
January 3, 2008

A federal lawsuit filed in Arizona alleges that it’s illegal for buyers of music CD’s to rip songs for personal use onto their own computer or iPod even if it’s never shared with anyone else.  That’s according to the filing made by a lawyer for the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA).  RIAA says any copying of a CD is unauthorized and is therefore illegal.  RIAA executives are expected to petition the U.S. Congress to have the I.R.S. collect money from American’s to support the music industry and then only allow citizens to listen to the radio for entertainment.

“These personal music devises have gotten out of hand.  It’s time to return to the old days of radio except we still want money.  Since we own all the rights to music, no one else has a right to use it even if they pay to buy it from us,” said RIAA CEO Mitch Bainwol, slapping a small child for switching from one copywrited song to another too quickly.  “It’s our right to control how music is listened to, who hears it and how they manage it.  We put lots of fine print on stuff and that guarantees us control.  Buyers of things shouldn’t assume they have any right to use anything that they purchase.  In fact American’s are pretty screwed up over the whole concept of ownership and individual rights and we believe this lawsuit will help straighten them out.”

Not everyone agrees with the RIAA and some people feel that the exchange of money for a product or service still constitutes the purchase of the right to use it.  “If you buy something from someone, you own it and can do whatever you want to with it,” said Izzy Smallorwhat, a radical ownership activist who has been buying things and using them for years.  “If the RIAA wants to keep music to themselves, then they shouldn’t be selling it.  I have the right to use what I buy.  That’s the nature of the marketplace as it extends through history from the days of bartering right up and through the creation of the Chinese knock-off.  Trade and ownership are the foundation of the world’s economy.”

RIAA, the Big Four record companies’ lobbying arm and primary legal weapon, considers the copying of songs from your own CDs to your own computer, for your own personal use, to be just as illegal as posting them online for all to share, according to the federal lawsuit.  On page 15 of a supplemental brief responding to the judge’s technical questions about the case, the RIAA’s Phoenix lawyer, Ira M. Schwartz, states that the defendant is liable simply for the act of creating “unauthorized copies” — by ripping songs from CDs.  According to this logic, every single person who’s ever “ripped” a CD for portable listening on an iPod or other MP3 player could be liable for astronomical damages.

In other news, CNN reported yesterday that bad foods like red meat are actually good for you because of something recently discovered called “protein”.  The report said protein can provide nourishment.  No word on whether supermarkets will allow you to use it if you buy it.

 (C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Barbra Streisand backs Nazi candidate

Has had enough of “candy ass” Democrats

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
January 3, 2008

Singer and movie star Barbara Streisand announced today her endorsement of John Taylor Bowles the fascist National Socialist Movement candidate for president of the United States.  The move surprised Democrats who have relied on Streisand money to fund their candidates’ runs, and who didn’t think a women with Streisand’s Jewish heritage would back a Nazi.  Streisand says she’s adamant.

“I’ve been backing Democrat candidates and have ended up either losing or with Clinton banging interns in the White House,” said Streisand, battling hemorrhoids and post nasal drip.  “I was going to finance Hillary’s candidacy but when she kept changing positions and just attacking people who disagreed with her, I had enough.  I don’t typically like Nazi’s because they don’t like Jews, but with my money behind them I think they’ll moderate that position.  It’s my bet that on other issues they’ll do what they say because they don’t really give a shit about anybody else.  That kind of sums up my current attitude on things too.”

Current Senator and candidate for president, Hillary Clinton, expressed disappointment.  “I like Barbara and have liked her politics in the past because it was money in the bank for me.  This turn to the Nazi is not a good thing,” said Clinton, waxing her upper lip and trying to polish her image.  “I have a weakness for fascism and could even become a dictator myself in a pinch.  Barbara should take that into account before she firms up that Nazi deal.  I’m as good as they are but have less natural hatred for her heritage.”

John Taylor Bowles is the National Socialist Movement candidate for the upcoming U.S. Presidential Election to be held on November 4th, 2008.  Bowles, 49, has been in the National Socialist Movement for 33 years, was honorably discharged from the United States Air Force as a Telecommunications Operations Specialist, and is a retired Department of Agriculture federal officer who currently resides in South Carolina.  His platform consists of White Supremacist and Aryan political ideals, such as declaring non-whites as non-citizens of the United States, along with other issues, such as: decrease immigration, provide free healthcare, improve public education, recognize traditional marriage, and maintain the right to bear arms.  Most of these are supported by the Clinton campaign except Hillary is okay with most non-whites but is openly prejudice against all Canadians.

In other news, Howard Hughes remains a dead billionaire and nine out of ten dentists would like his money.

© 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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