Bin Laden arrested in strip club brawl

Released after giving robes to strippers

Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
January 7, 2008

Terrorist and robe wearer Osama bin Laden was arrested at a strip club in Morocco last night after trying to make the strippers wear veils.  Reportedly a scuffle broke out at the “Bare Hip Club” where bin Laden was relaxing after a tough couple of months with al Qaeda in the Afghan mountains.  Bin Laden has been known to aggressively promote veil wearing and indiscriminate murder, both under the guise of religious freedom.  Officials released him after he gave the strippers several of his lovely robes and they dropped charges.

“I’ve been having a hard time of it lately,” bin Laden reportedly told a waitress while nuzzling her navel.  “The Iraqi’s have been gaining ground against me and if it weren’t for the complacency of the Pakistani government I couldn’t even keep up with the U.S. in Afghanistan.  I have a veil fetish and dang it these strippers should be wearing them.”

Not everyone thinks the robe wearing guy was bin Laden.  “I’ve seen bin Laden’s robes and they aren’t that big a deal,” said stripper and robe aficionado, Candy Lane, putting a spare breast in her pants pocket.  “The robes the girls in Morocco got were really nice ones.  I think it was a Saudi sheik pretending to be bin Laden.  The Saudi’s got some nice threads.” 

In recent months the Iraqi people have begun turning against al Qaeda in Iraq and the U.S. has been cracking down on Taliban remnants in Afghanistan.  Pakistan is allowing al Qaeda and members of the Taliban to rule regions of their country undisturbed and move across the Pakistan-Afghanistan border.  That has bothered U.S. officials but the recent assassination of Pakistani presidential wannabee Benazir Bhutto by terrorists shows how tough they are to get along with.  Meanwhile robe and veil wearing continue to be debated by strippers and terrorists.

“I used to do a ‘Dance of the Seven Veils’ so messing with veils works for me,” said Cindy Lou, a stripper from Who-ville who likes energy efficiency, world peace and nudity in general.  “The only thing that puzzles me is if the strippers in Morocco recognized bin Laden, why didn’t they cut his nuts off and use them as dangle balls on their cars rearview mirror?  Screw the robes he’s handing out.”

In related news, ten out of ten strippers surveyed say they prefer veils to bin Laden under all circumstances.  Only three of ten would use bin Laden’s balls as decorations; the rest would mail them to people they don’t like.

© 2008

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