God on toast

Images of deity and saints appear on food
Will decency and substance appear in society?

Inebriated Press
January 8, 2008

Fox News reported last week that a woman in Houston has discovered what she says is the image of Christ and a crucifix in a potato she was slicing for French fries.  This follows the discovery of Jesus image on a pancake in 2006, a fish stick in 2004 and on a sandwich in Nebraska in 2001.  His Mom, the Virgin Mary, appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich in 1994.  It was sold on eBay ten years later to GoldenPalace.com, an Internet casino, for $28,000.  In 1999 Muslims in England spotted “Allah” written inside their tomato and in 2006 some folks in Kazakhstan read “Allah” on a chicken egg.  Some say these food based deity sightings indicate the end of the world is near while others say it’s all faked or just imagination run wild.  Still others wonder if common decency will start appearing within humankind, or if we’re just left hoping we can ingest images of deity and simply ward off hunger.

“Seeing images that people think are appearing in our food to remind us that God is present reminds me of the old saying ‘they can’t see the forest because of all the tree’s’,” said Zeke Filoski, a Yugoslavian Rabbi whose image once appeared on a milk carton before his parents found him asleep in their bread box.  “If you can’t see the handiwork of God in the beauty and complexity of a flower, or the stars, or the nature of love and compassion, or the miracle of life itself; you’re pretty much blind.  It’ll take more than a picture in a Pop-Tart to wake you up.  Still, if Mother Theresa on a muffin makes you contemplate God, it’s a start.”

Some say that deity based food discoveries have changed their lives.  “I’ve read the Bible, Torah, Koran and some other stuff and it didn’t really mean much to me until holy images started showing up on food products,” said Zippy Squirrel, a small rodent who hopes to become a puppet next week and a small planet next month.  “I used to worship random things because I thought the world was meaningless and it was up to me to create my own reality and meaning.  After seeing the Virgin Mary on grilled cheese, I got thinking maybe there was more going on in the universe that I didn’t understand and perhaps theology did play a role of some kind.  That, or KitchenAid.”

Most believers in God are unconcerned about whether images of saints or deity are actually appearing on or within consumer food products.  They say that helping the sick, the weak and the poor is more important than trading possible images of Christ and His relatives on eBay.  Still others feel that human beings have the sense of sight and taste and believe that by combining imagery with food a religious experience can be obtained.  Enter the “Jesus Pan.”

According to JesusPan.com you can buy a frying pan that will put Jesus’ image on your food each and every day.  No need to wait for the next “discovery” to buy one flapjack on eBay when you can make dozens by yourself whenever you want.  The website says that the JesusPan is made from durable steel and topped with a non-stick coating.  You can get two for $29.99 and discounts for bulk orders.  No word on whether you can get peace on earth or good will toward men if you order before midnight.

Up next, physical hunger or spiritual hunger.  It’s still emptiness unless you find something to fill it.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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