How comfortable should America make killers?

Cruelness of lethal injection studied by U.S. Supreme Court

Inebriated Press
January 8, 2008

Convicted killers Ralph Baze and Clyde Bowling Jr. brought suit in federal court saying that lethal injection for killers is too uncomfortable and should be outlawed.  The U.S. Supreme Court heard arguments yesterday.  Baze killed a Sheriff and his Deputy when they tried serving arrest warrants on him and Bowling killed a husband and wife and injured their 2-year-old son in the parking lot of the couples dry-cleaning business.  The killers say that only cold blooded murderers are allowed to inflict pain on victims and the State has no right to make them uncomfortable.

“When I slaughtered Steve and Art, the sheriff and deputy, I was doing it as a cold blooded killer and didn’t care how comfortable they were,” said Baze, a convicted murderer who likes Pop Tarts and killing people.  “Inflicting pain, suffering and terror is the prerogative of killers and its part of our code.  Only people like me have a right to do it.  The idea that the State can infringe on my comfort and take my life by injecting drugs to make me pass out and then die is immoral and should be made illegal.”

Not everyone agrees that first degree murderers should be comfortable in life or death.  “They don’t want injection, then blow their heads off or hang them at dawn,” said Jessie McGee, a precocious seven year old who hasn’t been medicated with Ritalin or infused with a liberal bias toward non-reality.  “I agree that a convicted killer shouldn’t have to wait on death row for years.  They should be hung or shot at dawn the morning after their trial is completed.   Maybe even within fifteen minutes of it.  The idea that we should cater to the comfort of people who did the least catering to innocent people whose lives they took is a bad joke.”

The U.S. Supreme Court heard arguments Monday on whether lethal injection causes excruciating pain for death row inmates and violates the Constitution’s ban on “cruel and unusual punishment.”  The justices have never directly addressed the fundamental question over the use of the chemical “cocktail” of drugs used to execute convicted killers.  Baze, 52, admitted killing Powell County Sheriff Steve Bennett and Deputy Arthur Briscoe in 1992 while the lawmen were trying to serve him with arrest warrants.  Bowling was convicted of killing Edward and Tina Earley in Louisville in 1990. Their 2-year-old son was wounded in the attack in the couple’s dry-cleaning business parking lot.  Kentucky Gov. Ernie Fletcher had signed a warrant for Baze to be put to death, but on September 12 the state Supreme Court stayed the execution, saying it needed more time to review another appeal by Baze, challenging his trial on technical grounds.  Baze told The Associated Press that he was “tickled” by the state court’s decision.

“I killed some innocent folks because I wanted to and now I’m sitting here in a taxpayer paid room eating taxpayer paid food and watching the taxpayers fund the Supreme Court’s deliberation as to whether the State has any right to take my life or make me uncomfortable,” said Baze, pondering mayhem and the delightful ineptness of the U.S. justice system.  “I love this country!  After they let me off altogether I might even vote.”

In other news, Islamofascists continue to protest their treatment by the U.S. and say they have a right to behead people indiscriminately but the U.S. doesn’t have a right to retaliate.  The U.S. court system thinks they may be right.  Meanwhile, common sense remains on extended vacation with few signs that it may return.

(C) 2008

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