Daily Archives: January 11, 2008

Britney versus the Teen Sex Show

Reality programming gets real

Inebriated Press
January 11, 2008

The New York Daily News reports that pop star and champion of personal freedom, Britney Spears, fled Los Angeles for New York this week out of fear that her parents and local doctors were planning to capture and cure her of the right to do whatever she wants.  Meanwhile, CBS News says the Midwest Teen Sex Show, a new Internet podcast from Wisconsin, has hit the Internet talking birth control, sex, pedophilia and what tends to happen next.  The debate over freedom, responsibility and risk spins on, with the Midwest weighing in as the Coasts battle it out.

“Britney is a refugee today because her abusive parents are trying to ‘cure’ her of the freedom she exercises which includes drinking, drug taking, panty-less partying and the risk she has become to her children,” said Sophie Small, a misunderstood postal recipient who takes placebos for her bipolar disorder.  “No one has a right to stop her from doing whatever she wants.  It’s high time that Americans become more tolerant and understand that personal freedom can not and should not be restrained in any way.  Britney is a saint and a metaphor for our time.”

Not everyone is sure that people should do whatever they want and some are encouraging personal reflection and occasional restraint.  “No one should do anything they want all the time, even if it’s within their power,” said Nikol Hasler, a PTA mom and host of the Midwest Teen Sex Show, whose credentials include getting knocked up after a one-night stand.  “Two of the three kids I have are because I did what I wanted and didn’t think about the risk.  I’m doing the Internet program because I want teens to avoid doing what I did, or at least understand that certain consequences exist for their actions.”

Spears hopped a private jet in Van Nuys with paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib and took off for Teterboro Airport in New Jersey, where the couple landed Wednesday night.  Reportedly Britney got spooked by published reports her family planned to have cops haul her out of her home and take her to a hospital for the second time in a week, if necessary, friends said.  Spears was forcibly admitted to the hospital last week after she went bonkers when ex-hubby Kevin Federline’s bodyguards came to pick up their two sons, Jayden James and Sean Preston.

The Midwest Teen Sex Show is a provocative podcast that shoves sex-ed into the 21st century, starring a PTA mom with a past, CBS News correspondent Cynthia Bowers reports.  The mother of three from Waukesha, Wisconsin, says she’s able to do it because she learned sex-ed the hard way — when she got pregnant at 18 after a one-night-stand.  Although it’s a racy approach to sex-ed and makes parents nervous, a recent study found abstinence programs that preach “just say no,” just don’t work. 

In other news, Britain’s Daily Sun reports that a guy named George Fryer is accusing the UK health care system of breaching his human rights by only prescribing him one Viagra tablet a week.  “This is a ban on my sex life,” he told The Sun.  No word on whether he plans to flee to New York.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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Sneezing made illegal in U.S.

Spreads germs; as bad as smoking

Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
January 11, 2008

On the heels of anti-smoking campaigns across the U.S., lawmakers are stepping up the battle against bad air by banning all sneezing.  Citizens caught expelling germs into the air will be arrested and imprisoned or fined hundreds of dollars.  Some human rights activists think people should decide on their own whether they want to smoke or sneeze.  But air-protectionists and activists who want to control what people breath don’t see it that way.

“No human being has the right to smoke, sneeze or use an alarm clock,” said Hank Williams, an air-care and anti-time-management activist who would rather be a Country Western singer.  “You shouldn’t control what I breathe and I shouldn’t affect what you breathe.  In fact breathing itself isn’t safe and should be banned.  But that’s in the future.  For now, we’ll focus on banning smoking and sneezing.  And of course alarm clocks, but that’s kind of my own thing.”

Not everyone agrees with Williams and some feel freedom is more important than air control.  “No one should be stopped from smoking, sneezing, drinking, taking drugs, or from doing anything that they want to do,” said Hamster Hughie, a small rodent and strong believer in complete freedom bordering on anarchy.  “If it can be done it should be done and to heck with the consequences.  Sure someone might get hurt if I practice archery on Main Street, but you’re free to duck.  No one should impinge on anyone’s right to do anything.”

The debate over personal freedom and how one persons actions impact another’s goes on across America.  Some say smoking isn’t healthy and smoke inhaled by nonsmokers is dangerous.  Some people say that sneezing spreads disease and not enough has been done to control it.  Germs spread by sneezing include the cold and flu, which can lead to pneumonia which has been known to kill people.  Unlike smoke which tends to drift around and can be run away from, scientists say sneezed germs can travel at 80 miles per hour across a room and strike you in seconds.  Lawmakers say that only a law can stop them.

In other news, gun control activists say banning guns will stop all wars and murders thus ushering in an era of world peace.  And Superman continues to fly faster than a speeding bullet.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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