Howard Stern Becomes Right-Wing Activist

Becomes too rich to afford liberal politics

Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
January 16, 2008

Howard Stern announced today that he’s contributing millions of dollars to the Republican Party and will be integrating Rush Limbaugh commentaries into his daily programming.  The radio “shock jock” known for off color radio and television programming that included trash talk, midget prostitutes and people with bad hair, was once known as the king of liberal-promiscuous attitudes and politics.  Stern became a millionaire with his show and currently broadcasts on Sirius Satellite Radio.  He has been hit by high taxes and now is turning over a new political leaf.

“I’ve got access to lots of sex and cash so most of my needs are met, and the first amendment protects my right to say about anything I want, but the government is taxing me out of my millions and that hurts,” said Stern, from an all-night nude bingo-parlor.  “I don’t like Limbaugh’s bias against sex and drugs, but he’s got his taxation politics right.  I guess when you get right down to it life is about sex and money and now I’ve got to finish getting the money part straightened out.”

Not everyone agrees that life is only about sex and money.  “Stern is screwed up that’s for sure,” said Marcy Mapleleaf McGwin, a small-town Canadian who likes knitting and firearms.  “Life is about family and friendships, society and community.  Oh sure there’s the need for some sex and money too, but they’re not the big stuff.”

Howard Stern is an American radio and TV personality, media mogul, humorist, actor, and author.  Stern hosts The Howard Stern Show four days a week (Monday-Thursday) on Howard 100, a Sirius Satellite Radio station.  The self-proclaimed “King of All Media” has been dubbed a shock jock for his highly controversial use of scatological, sexual and racial humor.  Though controversial, he is the highest-paid radio personality in the United States and the most fined personality in radio broadcast history.  Rush Limbaugh is an American radio host, author, and conservative political commentator.  He has been credited with reviving AM radio in the United States, and is considered to have been a “kind of national precinct captain” for the Republican Party’s Congressional victories in 1994.  Limbaugh’s radio show airs weekdays for three hours daily, beginning at 12 noon Eastern time in the U.S.  It also is carried worldwide over the Armed Forces Radio Network, and in some markets is carried on FM stations.

“It’s hard to beat a radio program about black midget prostitutes talking about their recent breast implants or sex change operations,” said radio listener and hoot owl, John Doe.  “Once Howard lays down some conservative tracts with Limbaugh he’ll be covering all the important bases.  Wacky sex talk with fundamental economic policies will put North America back on track.  Fiscal and farcical.  That’s a tough combination to beat.”

In other news, small cats are still called kittens but fingerless gloves of all sizes are all called mittens.  And coming soon, a new Doctor Seuss book called Sex Kittens with Mittens”.  No word on when the movie comes out.

(C) 2008

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