New AAAAA to offer insurance for drunks
Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
January 17, 2008
The American Automobile Association (AAA) announced that it has merged with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and formed the Anonymous American Alcoholics Automobile Association (AAAAA). The AAAAA plans to offer anonymous drunks automobile insurance and various other services including roadside assistance and travel packages. AAA has offered road side aid in the past which included assistance with flat tires and help when running out of gas. In addition to those services the new 5-A group will also pick you up off of the road and out of street gutters. The new company is seen as a god-send for drunk drivers.
“I’m loaded when I drive a lot of the time and it’s been tough to keep insurance and find my way home some nights,” said an anonymous 5-A member who hopes to stay that way. “This new service is a real help to guys like me. I can afford to pay for the service; I just can’t afford to keep getting locked up. It’s such a bother.”
Not everyone likes the idea behind AAAAA. “We’ve got to stop pandering to people who refuse to get help and risk innocent peoples lives by trying to drive when they’ve got no right to,” said Knock Drywall, a vigilante wannabee who hates plaster and hopes to become a patron saint some day. “This 5-A thing is off track. We should be shooting these guys and not enabling them.”
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is an informal meeting society for recovering alcoholics whose primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. AA suggests that alcoholics follow its program and abstain from alcohol in order to recover from alcoholism, and share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem. The American Automobile Association (AAA) was founded on March 4, 1902 in Cleveland, Ohio as a response to a lack of roads and highways suitable for autos. The association expanded its scope of services as years progressed. AAA clubs primarily provide emergency road services to members. These services, which include everything from lockouts, winching, tire changes, automotive first aid, and towing are handled by private local towing companies contracted by a state AAA club.
“It’s good to know that AA is there to help me if I become an alcoholic and AAA is there if I get a flat out in the country,” said an innocent bystander who was once a well known professional athlete. “I don’t know what 5-A is but I sure like that A-1 Steak Sauce. Tastes good on darn near anything.”
In other news, Christmas comes but once a year but at the IRS the party never ends.
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