Auctions off unneeded extras
Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
January 24, 2008
Actress and model Pamela Anderson has listed her spare breasts on the auction website eBay. Reportedly Anderson has put them up with “no reserve” and is willing to get whatever she can for them. The actress has changed breast sizes several times in recent years, usually making them bigger, but did downsize them once before making them bigger again. Reportedly she became tired of having the extra ones lying around the house and decided to sell them off.
“I’ve gradually increased the size of my breasts and with it my popularity,” said Anderson, juggling three of her breasts with her hands and jiggling two others currently mounted on her chest. “My back ached from all the weight so I downsized one year, but my popularity went down with it. So I popped the size back up and my popularity popped up too. I just exercise and see a chiropractor for my back now. What can I say; a gal’s got to do what a gal’s got to do.”
Not everyone favors the routine modification of ones body or breast size. “Be who you are and be genuine about that, and you’ll be happier,” said Betty Boop, a precocious cartoon character whose modest cup size never slowed her popularity or stopped her from strutting her stuff. “Some guys are all about big jugs but that’s superficial, just like those kinds of guys. I’ve gotten along just fine with my perky little tits and don’t want anybody with a knife slicing away on me.”
eBay.com is an online auction and shopping website in which people and businesses buy and sell goods and services worldwide. In its early days it traded almost anything, but eventually began to prohibit the sale of items like firearms, dirty underwear and body parts. Pamela Anderson has been selling her used clothes and other items on eBay since 2004 but this is the first time she’s offered her breasts for sale.
“They’re like anything else you’ve got laying around the house,” said Pam, drinking a glass of fresh milk and pondering mammary health. “If you don’t get rid of some stuff pretty soon your place is full of junk you don’t use. I’ve got no more use for those old silicone boobs, so I may as well put them on the world’s biggest garage sale. Maybe I’ll get a couple bucks for them.”
In related news, breast milk continues to be popular among babies and used to be traded on eBay but is no longer allowed since it’s not inspected by the United States Department of Agriculture.
(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com