Technology in Space versus Earthbound Sex and Politics

NASA and Detroit’s Mayor Do Tricky Repair Work

Inebriated Press
February 1, 2008

The space station’s two American astronauts went out on a riskier-than-usual spacewalk Wednesday and fixed one of two equipment failures that crippled their power system and threatened to stall construction at the orbiting outpost.  And Kwame Kilpatrick, the married Mayor of Detroit, tried to repair his creditability after being caught in a cover-up over a sexual dalliance with his chief of staff.  Kilpatrick used his security detail to try and disguise the affair.  NASA faced up to the possible loss of the International Space Stations effectiveness and risked the astronauts’ lives to fix it.  Debate over covering up risky ventures or facing up to them, continues to be debated on earth and in space.

“We hated to risk the astronauts lives by sending them outside the station to work on a power problem that could have electrocuted them, but if we didn’t fix it the future of the space station would have been in jeopardy,” said NASA administrator Michael Griffin, crossing himself and kissing a replica of the Popes ring while rubbing a rabbits foot.  “At least this was easier to deal with than the astronaut stalking incident we had last year.  Dealing with technological problems are way easier than risky sexual situations.”

Not everyone agrees that risky sexual situations should be avoided.  “The Mayor of Detroit says he’ll apologize about the extra-marital affair and cover-up that he ran, and that’s way more risky than all the unprotected sex he was having with his staff,” said former president Bill Clinton, an expert in risky sex, politics and cover-ups.  “He’s just a young guy and lacks the experience to realize that he can have sex with whomever he wants and even lie to a Grand Jury about it and get away with it.  After he’s been in public office for a few more years he’ll understand that if he spins things right, he can get away with almost anything.”

Kwame Kilpatrick was elected mayor of Detroit in 2001 at the age of 31 and was considered by many to be a talented young politician with a bright future.  That future is now threatened by a sex scandal that unfolded last week when a local newspaper discovered explicit text messages sent between the married mayor and Christine Beatty, his then chief of staff.  Beatty, who is also married, resigned her post Monday.  Messages from Beatty to the mayor read: “In case you haven’t noticed, I am madly in love with you, too” and “Did you miss me sexually?” 
Commander Peggy Whitson and Daniel Tani replaced a motor on the International Space Station needed to tilt a solar wing toward the sun, taking extra precautions to avoid being shocked.  Once the new motor was hooked up, electricity began flowing through the unit and provided a power boost.  Whitson and Tani performed virtually the entire job in the darkness of night, pausing during the daytime swings around Earth when 160 volts of electricity would course through the cables, increasing the risk of electrocution.  After the repair flight controllers tested the motor via ground commands, and everything checked out so well that NASA declared the operation a success.  Whether all politicians can succeed in avoiding politically charged shocks stemming from sex scandals as well as NASA flight specialists avoid electrocution remains unclear.

“If a politician is doing a good job in office, what they do with their sexual organs and whom they use them with is really unimportant,” said Liberal O’Kelly, an Irish Unabomber known for promoting a relaxed attitude toward sex and nuclear holocaust.  “Morals and ethics in society and governance are very overrated.  People need to realize that unbridled hedonism combined with the elimination of the rule of law will create true freedom of expression, and usher in a glorious era of chaos and randomness that we only see in cities like Berkeley and San Frisco today and Sodom and Gomorra in years past.  I’m optimistic.  At least there are signs of progress.”

In other news, a New York state employee who had access to government-owned archives has been arrested on suspicion of stealing hundreds of historic documents, many of which he sold on eBay, authorities said on Monday.  No word on whether he tried to cover-up his plan, or if he was having sex with his co-workers.

(C) 2008

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