Iranian Peace-Mongers Launch Rocket into Space

Claim chip in power game

Inebriated Press
February 5, 2008

Associated Press reported yesterday that Iran successfully launched a rocket into space.  Iranian State TV reported that they have joined the world’s top countries with capability of launching rockets.  Experts say it’s a cover for their ballistic missile program and nuclear plans.  A White House spokesman called the launch “unfortunate.”  Iran says their intentions are peaceful.

“Anyone who says our intentions are anything but peaceful is as big a fraud as the people who claim there was a Jewish Holocaust,” said Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, writing a check to Russian President Vladimir Putin, for another delivery of nuclear material.  “If it were up to me I’d wipe people with those kinds of claims off the face of the earth.  Our plans are so peaceful that once they’re fully revealed people won’t know what hit them.”

But some folks think there’s still a chance that Iran isn’t as peaceful a country as they claim.  “Funding Hamas, funding Al Qaeda in Iraq, saying the Holocaust is just a myth, publicly saying that Israel and the United States should be wiped off the face of the earth; then building hundreds of centrifuges for processing nuclear material they’ve been buying from Russia, and now the rocket launch.  Maybe I’m just paranoid, but it seems like they might be up to something,” said Chicken Little, having learned a lesson about making silly claims.  “It’s probably nothing.”

Iran launched a research rocket Saturday to mark the unveiling of its first major space centre, showcasing Teheran’s technological advances and raising concerns over the country’s nuclear plans.  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president, read out the launch countdown before the rocket blasted off from the space centre in the remote desert of northern Iran, state television reported.  The rocket, which is designed to carry the first Iranian-made research satellite next year, was the first launched by Teheran “into space,” according to local reports.  In 2005, Iran launched its first commercial satellite on a Russian rocket, in a joint project with Moscow, which appears to be the main partner in transferring space technology to Iran.

“The Iranians are as peaceful as we are and as sedate as Persians and Cossacks have ever been,” said Russia’s Putin, busily filling out ballets to be used in Russia’s March 2nd presidential election.  “They’re good customers of ours, what with the nuclear material, space and rocket business.  I’m going to throw in a few Russian AK-47’s for free.  They don’t need to buy them along with the jets from the Chinese.  We’re a full-service rouge state enabler.”

In other news, reports that Microsoft may have to borrow money for the first time to enable it to purchase Yahoo! Inc. for $44.6 billion.  No word on whether Iran is borrowing money to pay the Russians, or whether U.S. officials think Ahmadinejad is living on borrowed time.

(C) 2008

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