Brit Scientists Create 3-Parent Embryos

Schizophrenics and Free-Sex Advocates Weigh In

Inebriated Press
February 6, 2008

Reuters reported yesterday that British scientists have created human embryos with three parents in the belief that it will reduce hereditary diseases.  Researchers from Newcastle University, in northern England, said the embryos were created using DNA from one man and two women.  Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy Enterprises says he’s favored threesome’s for years; and the Schizophrenia Alternative Life-Style Association (SALSA) says the embryos represent an advance in multiple physical and personality development.  The debate over the use of tactile and test tube genetics and possible planned and accidental outcomes continues to rage.

“I’ve been a strong advocate of healthy genetic combinations created in threesome’s beginning back in the 1960’s,” said Playboy founder Hefner, fondling the ankles of Bentley twins, Sandy and Mandy.  “I’ve led the way in scientific exploration of genetic combinations and it’s about time that industry catches up with me.  They’re going to be nominating me for the Nobel Prize in genetics before this is over.”

Not everyone is comfortable with the potential ramifications of genetic manipulation involving multiple people or other stuff.  “While I can appreciate the importance of avoiding incest and inbreeding for health reasons, and I appreciate the scientific quest for better health; I struggle to appreciate the shuffling of men and women’s genes like cards in a poker deck,” said Jerry Rodale, an organic food advocate who thinks some combinations are unnatural and not altogether beneficial.  “We just can’t swap our DNA around and think only good things will happen.  Just because I’ve been dead for 36 years doesn’t mean people can slip this kind of stuff past me.  We’ve got to stop this ‘anything goes’ attitude about swapping DNA with multiple partners and test tubes.  It’s risky sex, plain and simple.”

Researchers from Newcastle University created the human embryos with three parents in a development they hope could lead to effective treatments for a range of serious hereditary diseases within five years.  The IVF, or test-tube, embryos were created using DNA from one man and two women.  The idea is to prevent women with faults in their mitochondrial DNA from passing diseases on to their children.  The process involves in vitro fertilization (IVF) and the subsequent removal of the egg’s nucleus. The nucleus is then placed into a donor egg whose DNA has been removed.  The resulting fetus inherits nuclear DNA, or genes, from both parents but mitochondrial DNA from a third party.  Stiff opposition to the technique is likely from critics of embryo research who fear the creation of designer babies.  Not everyone is uncomfortable with the science.

“There’s nothing to fear from multiple DNA combinations or multiple personalities in the same individual,” said Joe Ann Bob and Cindy Smith, founder of the Schizophrenia Alternative Life-Style Association (SALSA), and a strong advocate of multiple-everything.  “At SALSA we want to have children designed with multiple DNA code from many individuals and want them to have many personalities too.  We’re never alone in the world when we have multiple personalities, and now science is showing that we’re even healthier physically.  Without fully realizing it, U.S. citizens have been electing leaders with multiple personalities and a tendency to speak out of many sides of their mouth for years.  It’s a trend whose time has come within society as a whole.  Finally, schizophrenics will be able to avoid treatment and live an alterative lifestyle based on the genetic code that we’ve inherited.  No more oppression from narrow-minded gays, lesbians, social scientists and encyclopedia salesmen.”

In related news, the Netherlands has been a leader in multiple sex combinations for years.  Back in 2005 they registered the countries first civil union of three partners when Victor de Bruijn from Roosendaal “married” both Bianca and Mirjam in a ceremony before a notary who duly registered their civil union.  No word on whether any future children will be the result of tactile or test tube genetic combinations.

(C) 2008

Comments Off on Brit Scientists Create 3-Parent Embryos

Filed under Humor, IP News

Comments are closed.