America Takes One Step to the Left

Republicans are Democrats, Democrats are Socialists

Inebriated Press \ Division of Rant (with pretzels)
February 7, 2008

The Clinton/Obama quest for presidential power took another step forward this week as the two contenders battled it out for the official nod as Democrat candidate for president.  It’s likely both will be on the ballot in November, but who is named president and vice president is up for grabs.  Meanwhile, in the Republican isle the remaining candidate closest to fundamental conservative values is Mitt Romney, and it appears that his religion is in the way.  That puts John McCain at the head of the pack despite his tendency to trade conservative principals away for liberal policy, when push comes to shove.  The race is no longer one to determine whether the U.S. will become a more liberal country, or whether it will cling to conservative principals.  It’s shaping into a battle for just how far to the left the U.S. will move.

“Big government and expensive programs with more centralized control has been a gradual trend in the U.S. for some time, and the tendency of the country to act like France will continue to grow,” said Samuel Goldwin, a curious observer in red tights, claiming to be a media mogul.  “The Iraq war required hefty government spending and the Bush administration tried trading with the Democrats by giving in on a number of other non-military spending plans.  At the time the Dem’s complained he didn’t give-in enough; today they say the Republicans are the wasteful spenders and Dem’s are the fiscally responsible ones.  We all know that no matter who gets in office now, that spending is likely to remain high.  Of course the Democrats will tax more and spend more; it’s a fine, long standing tradition.”

Not everyone thinks government waste and tax and spend policy is a bad thing.  “Loose fiscal controls and loose morality are the defining characteristics of the last Democrat administration the U.S. had, and it made for a good economy,” said Lipo Suction, a bulky historian known to support bloated government and fiscal waste as an economic stimulus plan.  “Sure Bill Clinton gave Bin Laden a pass and cut intelligence and military spending, which weakened our defense and resulted in the 9-11 thing.  But all those savings helped the economy in other ways, and his loose morals encouraged a good time.  Those were the days, by golly.  I wonder if Monica got her blue dressed cleaned yet?  Once the Dem’s are back in the Oval Office, she’ll probably get a job offer.”

Senators Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama dueled to a Super Tuesday draw, capturing states big and small and padding their delegate counts in a Democratic contest that remains highly competitive after the biggest day of balloting in presidential primary history.  Both have stated openly that they plan to pursue expensive health care programs, shift back to a softer defense plan and want to reduce trade.  They support illegal aliens and domestic policy favoring the rights of about everyone except regular citizens, whom they expect to pick up the bill. 

Senator John McCain surged closer toward the Republican nomination yesterday by capturing the biggest Super Tuesday states, including California, but failed to knock out his rivals, who deprived him of victories across GOP strongholds in the South and West.  McCain has switched positions on protecting the US/Mexican border, first soft on the idea, then later wanting tighter controls.  He’s a patriot from NAM with a tendency to grasp the reality of US defense challenges and felt for a long time that the US was undermanned in Iraq, something the recent successful surge has proven.  He’s a liberal spender though.  Perhaps not as loose with the money of others as the Dem’s and doesn’t hold a candle to Barack or Hillary, but indications are that he’d spend the nation’s cash as quickly as George W. has.  Mitt Romney has shown to be a fiscal conservative and a practical manager, with his effective governance in a liberal Northeastern US state.  He’s quest for the presidency has been held back by folks uncomfortable with his religion; which has not been in the way of his work in government.  Romney’s faith has in fact seemed to provide a firm operating foundation for his actions.  The jury remains out, but the trends in both parties are toward a more liberal candidate than either party has put forward before.

“The United States has finally made progressive moves in the direction of a solid socialist platform, but still has a ways to go,” said George Soros, a capitalist investor and socialist philosopher who enjoys cornering the financial and social engineering markets.  “The country has advanced to the point where the leading Republican’s are now the Democrat thinkers of years ago and the Democrats of today are solid Socialist thinkers, bordering on Communists with Totalitarian tendencies.  Things have never been better.  Of course I’ve got most of my money in off-shore accounts because the cost of social engineering is expensive, but I’m enjoying myself as I watch the wheels of conservative morality come off.  That’s really what this is all about you know.  I don’t care about the fiscal issues of government that much, I just want an enlightened country that’s free from any moral conviction.  This ‘god is love’ stuff, and ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ junk has had way too much influence on governance and been a pain in the ass long enough.  We need another moralist like Bill Clinton in the White House again to keep things moving.”

In other news, BBC reported that the use of marijuana causes gum disease.  Bill Clinton says he’s glad he never inhaled and switched to toying with interns in blue dresses instead.  No word on whether medical marijuana users plan to sue their doctors over their bad teeth.

(C) 2008

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