White Male Minority Key to Democrat Nomination

Oddball group disparaged by most; may now play political role

Inebriated Press
February 8, 2008

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported yesterday that the results from Super Tuesday contests coast to coast suggest that white males may be the decisive swing vote in the historic battle between a black man and a white woman to become the Democrat nominee for U.S. president.  The sect of pale men have been disparaged the past several decades as being an angry group bent on power and prestige, to the extent that advancement programs favoring women, blacks and other groups have been established to marginalize white males.  This trend has caught on and television and movies frequently depict the group as bumbling and incompetent, or searching for lost youth with firearms in wilderness settings.  Now this curious slice of old Americana seems to be rearing its ugly head again.

“It’s startling that white males have a role to play in today’s society at all, let alone the Democrat primary,” said Hinnie Hurtmann-Showcase, a tiny androgyne with an immense ego that covers several states and has been known to overshadow third world nations like an eclipse of the sun.  “Organizations have worked hard ever since the 1960’s to squelch this group and replace them with women, non-whites and an occasional ameba.  We’ve been making good headway, and now that we’ve excluded them from contention and have a black man and white woman vying to be the Democrat nominee for president, it’s terribly disappointing that the white male vote may influence the outcome.  I’m pissed off even more than usual.”

Not everyone sees it the way Hurtmann-Showcase and the anti-white-male majority does.  “It’s been a hard fight to retain influence and dignity against the anti-white-man organizations and initiatives,” said Bob White, a guy claiming to be a Canadian activist, who was once a quail and suffered ruffled feathers and molting problems requiring him to drink heavily and sing America the Beautiful whenever he showered.  “Over the years we’ve been supplanted in schools by being denied admission despite receiving higher grades on entry exams.  We’ve been made fun of on TV and basically looked down on as being almost sub-human.  Our men’s clubs have been closed and we can’t even smoke in public places.  I guess like the dinosaur, we had it our way for a while.  Hillary and Obama better watch out, it won’t be long before transgender Hispanics take the place of people like them.”

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution (AJC) reported that while the results fluctuated wildly state to state, it appears Illinois Senator Barack Obama narrowly won the white male vote in battling New York Senator Hillary Clinton to a Super Tuesday draw.  Since the New Hampshire primary, white women have been consistently siding with Clinton.  Black voters are backing Obama in numbers trending toward the unanimous.  But white males are up for grabs.

According to state-by-state exit polls, Obama handily defeated Clinton with white males in California (52 percent to 34 percent), Connecticut (57 to 40), New Mexico (59 to 34), Utah (64 to 29) and Illinois (59 to 37).  But Clinton swamped Obama with white males in New Jersey (58 to 39), Missouri (55 to 41), Oklahoma (55 to 32), Tennessee (58 to 32), Arkansas (74 to 20) and New York (52 to 43).  Meanwhile, in Delaware, Arizona and Massachusetts, the white male vote divided evenly between the two.  This is new terrain for Caucasian men and people who analyze how they vote.

In order to ferret out the white male voter, the AJC wrote,” The time may have arrived for the media to descend on ‘white barbershops,’ to find out how white males are coping with the cross pressure to vote their race or their gender.”

“We know that white-males don’t understand issues or think beyond their color or sex, so the AJC is right on when they suggest ‘white barbershops’ are the key to finding out if they dislike white women or black men most,” said feminist and theologian, Maggie Stubblechin, a broad minded woman who hates everything but her gender and chocolate.  “White men have contributed nothing but hatred, oppression and intolerance to society and I am an open minded liberal who will not tolerate them.  And don’t get me started on Judeo-Christian ethics.”

In related news, white guys now have a little time on their hands since the NFL football season has concluded and NASCAR racing hasn’t started.  It may provide just enough opportunity for them to decide whether they want a black guy or white woman in control of their payroll deductions in the future.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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