Nice tunes, no implicit meaning
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
February 14, 2008
Taking a break from the tough campaign trail, Senator and Presidential candidate Barack Obama paused yesterday and founded a new rock band called Vague. Reportedly it plays a combination of rap and new age music with punchy but meaningless words and phrases. Inebriated reporter Missy Bristol-Myers reports from someplace near the development.
“Obama sang with his Vague band for over an hour today, and clicked his heels and used cymbals’ and it was so cool that even though I can’t remember what any of it meant, I sure feel good about it,” said reporter Bristol-Myers, rinsing a thick unknown substance out of her ears that collected there from an unseen source. “I feel better about myself and about our countries future, but I don’t really know why. His voice is so melodic; I could listen to him read the phone book. Maybe he was.”
Not everyone is impressed with Obama’s new band. “No band with a hard hitting name like Vague should be promoting presidential candidates, even if it’s their own invention,” said former president Bill Clinton, a disinterested observer who enjoys reading all kinds of history and fondling all kinds of women’s breasts. “I think that Obama should keep his band to himself and stop harassing the American people with it. And he should leave my wife alone. I don’t care much for Hillary myself, but I still don’t want her messing around. Messing around is my prerogative. It’s a division of responsibility thing, and that’s what makes our marriage work.”
Reports indicate that Obama started the Vague Band after feeling the need to relax and avoid uncomfortable things like facts. Campaign insiders say that lately he has been feeling pressured to come up with hard positions on issues and provide details on what he means when he says things like “we are who we’ve been waiting for to enable change,” and “not only will I end the war, I’ll change the American mindset that led to it.” Some people think this “Obama-speak” is meaningless and if he’s elected he’ll just do whatever he feels like. Others say that there is a great deal of thought and meaning behind all of his statements and that when he’s elected he’ll do whatever he feels like. Either way, a lot of people believe that Vague is going to be a big hit and when it really gets going, it will rock America.
“When you hear Vague sounds and Vague words and begin to truly adapt that feeling and attitude, you begin to believe that reality isn’t that important and subtle nice feelings are all that you really need in life,” said Janis Joplin, a singer and songwriter who died of a heroin overdose in 1970, but still likes to support the arts and drug use. “There’s really no need to worry about anything. Someone will take care of it. I think a lot of people are looking for this new sound.”
In related news, Vague will be touring the U.S. throughout 2008 and if things work out, they may tour again in four years. Between now and then the lead singer plans to alter our mindset and tell us who we are.
(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com