Play baseball, listen to the old-timers, pretend you know what you’re doing
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
February 18, 2008
In the midst of Congressional hearings over the use of illegal drugs in professional baseball, U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid got the idea to start his own fantasy camp. The Happytime Harry Reid Fantasy Camp is a two week vacation-adventure program that brings together retired baseball players and political wannabees, to play a little ball and learn how to pretend they understand important issues and can direct Congress. Some people think the idea is silly, but others think it’ll be a home run.
“It’s a terrific service to all American’s who want to play some baseball and pretend they can run the country,” said Nancy Pelosi, current U.S. Speaker of the House, a role that she’s been playing for a couple of years now. “Heck I’ve been faking it for years and don’t get criticized for it anymore than anyone else I’ve known. I’ve won bets off guys who think I’m just some hooker off of the street. You should see how surprised they are when I show them my office. Boy do I make’m pay. Suckers.”
Some folks aren’t sure it will work. “The idea that Harry Reid can teach anyone anything is a fantasy itself,” said an unnamed waste management specialist, speaking off the cuff from the back of his truck. “I like baseball, and I think that fantasy camps are pretty cool. But Harry Reid is so liberal and his connection to reality is so thin, he doesn’t know what fantasy is and what’s not. Heck he contradicts himself in his own sentences. He once thought he was the Ace of spades and it took two Senators and three ducks to convince him otherwise.”
Baseball fantasy camps have been held around the country for years. Regular folks pay a few thousand dollars to spend a week or less wearing real pro baseball gear and training and playing with retired professional baseball players. Games are organized and the regular’s get to learn and play with the “big guys.” For some this opportunity to pretend they’re a professional ball player fulfills a dream. Only occasionally do players and pretenders injure themselves and wind up in fistfights cursing at each other.
“I remember this one time at camp Mike Schmidt was beating the crap out of me until Ozzie Smith broke it up,” laughed someone claiming to be Harry Reid, the majority leader in the U.S. Senate. “That’s the kind of experience I want to give budding politicians. Let them tell us they want a balanced budget while lowering taxes and let me kick the crap out of them. They’ll get a hell of an education, and I’ll have a lot of fun!”
In related news, politicians continue to struggle with the difference between fantasy and reality. Most liberals prefer to live in fantasy, but tend to cash real government issued pay checks and tax actual Americans.
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