Lindsay Lohan Pretends She’s Marilyn

Nude photo-shoot makes her feel grown-up

Inebriated Press
February 21, 2008

Actress and rehab aficionado Lindsay Lohan, posed nude for a series of pictures published in the February 25th issue of New York magazine, inspired by Marilyn Monroe’s last photo shoot.  In 1962, photographer Bert Stern shot a series of photos (2,571 in all) of Marilyn Monroe at the Hotel Bel-Air that are collectively known as “The Last Sitting.”   Lohan said her shoot was fun and that she didn’t have to put much thought into it.  Media pundits say not thinking is typical of Lohan and occasionally plagued Monroe.  Still they don’t think Lohan is Marilyn.

“Marilyn Monroe is a classic movie star and the bombshell of bombshells,” said film critic and bombshell student, Hugh Hefner, while squeezing oranges and juggling several silicon gel implants.  “She formed the definition of the American blonde babe.  Lindsay is a cute mentally unstable girl who gets a discount for frequently using rehab clinics, but she’s not close to Marilyn in any way.  Well, that’s not totally true; I guess they share the same gender.”

Others believe that the Lohan nude photo shoot and unstable personality is what makes her the most like Monroe.  “Marilyn was unstable and died of an overdose, and at the rate Lindsay is going, she’ll probably not last beyond age 26 let alone 36 which is when Monroe died,” said nude publisher Diane Silberstein, president of Penthouse Media Group, and collector of clear glass door knobs.  “We’d love to shoot her nude and doing wild stuff with guys for our magazine, but she’s got to be alive or we won’t sign the contract.  We’re pretty strict about that.”

Lindsay Lohan posed for Bert Stern in the February 25th issue of New York magazine, imitating her “idol,” Marilyn Monroe. Lohan stripped naked and struck the same poses that Monroe is known for in her classic photos.  Stern photographed Monroe in 1962 at the Hotel Bel-Air in California, six weeks before she was found dead from an overdose of barbiturates.  Those images for Vogue magazine feature Monroe in next to nothing, posing nude with some scarves and jewelry as her accessories and sipping champagne.  Lohan described Monroe’s suicide as “tragic.”  Lohan, who has been in and out of rehab after two arrests last year on drunken driving and cocaine charges, said she didn’t know why the industry wreaked such havoc on some stars, adding, “I sure as hell wouldn’t let it happen to me.”  Stern told The Associated Press that he found women like Lohan and her tabloid companions Paris Hilton and Britney Spears “interesting.”

“I’ve always been fascinated by girls that draw attention to their notoriety and their celebrity through their behavior,” said Stern, holding a ginger ale with his right hand and massaging the breasts of Ginger Aile with his left.  “I thought that shooting Lindsay nude would give her a chance to show that she is a grown-up and not just a drunk little girl.  Of course I’d also like to get her in the sack because deep down I take pictures of women nude because I like to, and hope that if the chick is mentally unstable I can use that to my advantage.  Of course I might be just saying that and not really mean it.”

In other news, Hillary Clinton’s nude photos continue to command high prices and contributed most of the $5 million that she recently transferred to her presidential campaign.  Bill says he’s been sneaking around her in the shower and hopes to produce a Second Series.  No word on whether she was pretending to be Marilyn Monroe or Lindsay Lohan.

(C) 2008

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