Tourists Sue Las Vegas

Claim slogan is false advertising

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
February 21, 2008

The slogan “What Happens in Las Vegas, Stays in Las Vegas,” isn’t true according to tourists Sammy Malone and Steve Lyford, both suffering from several different strains of venereal disease.  The pair spent a week in Las Vegas and said that they did whatever they wanted without fear because the slogan convinced them whatever happened there, it would have no repercussions on them in other cities.  Las Vegas officials say the tourists took the slogan too literally.

“When we say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, what we mean is that we won’t tell anybody what you did here,” said Kara Kelley, president of the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce, an advocate of non-violence and no-risk immorality.  “We aren’t offering disease-free, or financial-disaster-free kind of protection.  We just want to encourage the risky financial and immoral behavior that we have a no-tell policy about.  Most people understand that it’s just a come-on and that we don’t really give a shit about them.”

Not everyone is so sure that cities and individuals should be allowed to advertise things that aren’t really true.  “You shouldn’t say stuff that you don’t mean and no one should be allowed to put stuff into print that they won’t back up,” said Hokey Colander, a typically insincere woman who often lets the ideas of others pass through her like a sieve.  “Normally I don’t care what anyone says or does, but when I lost five grand and got the clap at Caesars Palace, I started caring about stuff like this.  My cash stayed in Vegas but the dang disease I picked up and took home.  I don’t blame the two guys for suing.  Makes sense to me.  Its false advertising.”

The saying “What goes on in Vegas, Stays in Vegas” was coined by the City of Las Vegas in 2006 after they gave up on an effort to promote the city as a wholesome family oriented fun place, because most people spotted the gamblers, hookers and drunks and didn’t believe them.  The “what goes on in Vegas, stays” tag has been wildly successful in bringing crowds and conventions back to the city.  Las Vegas is an uninhibited adult entertainment city where everything goes and seems to be fair game.  People from all over the world flock to Vegas for fun and frolic.  The tourist’ lawsuit seems likely to fail.

“Our lawyer took our deposit and went to Vegas for research and we haven’t seen him in three weeks,” said Sammy Malone, one of the plaintiffs currently enjoying massive amounts of antibiotics.  “I guess maybe some lawyers who go to Vegas, stay in Vegas.  Perhaps there’s a new slogan in the making.”

In related news, lawyers say political candidates often say things that they don’t mean so cities can’t be held to statements they make either.  No word on whether mom will let junior get away with that kind of behavior.

(C) 2008

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