New Reality TV: Senators with Lice

Fox program will help fund U.S. deficit
The new Itchy and Scratchy Senate Show

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
February 25, 2008

The Fox Entertainment Group has announced a new addition to this years fall television line up.  Expanding on the popularity and robust profit margins of so called “Reality Television” programming, Fox has formed a financial partnership with the U.S. Congress, and will pay the federal government for participating in a new show.  Programming will include Senators who propose new laws while itchy and infected with lice.  Fox producers spotted occasional humor while watching C-SPAN and Animal Planet programs and believe that a combination of lice and lawmakers makes for amusing entertainment that people will tune in to watch.

“By themselves C-SPAN and Animal Planet are kind of boring, but when you put lice on U.S. Senators and watch them try to propose new laws and debate policy, it’s just plain hilarious,” said Fox Entertainment Group president Peter Chernin, turning his underwear inside out for added effect.  “When I saw the pilot with Senate majority leader Harry Reid scratching his balls and spinning like a top while trying to get the Senate to vote in favor of a new tax hike, I laughed my ass off.  I’ve just now got it glued back on but have to keep messing with my underwear trying to get comfortable.”

Not everyone likes the idea of lice infested lawmakers trying to debate policy, even if it raises money to pay down the federal deficit.  “Politicians are already too crazy and not enough focus is on meaningful legislation as it is.  Now they’re thinking of doing it while bitey insects gnaw on them,” asked philosopher and town drunk Bigg Lodge, a member of a savage race of do-gooders whose one vice is massive alcohol consumption.  “I admire their willingness to endure insect infestation but this crazy Fox TV reality programming is really going to far now.  I suppose if they’d picked the U.S. House and I could have watched Nancy Pelosi scratching like a bitch I might have given them a pass.”

Reality television is a genre of programming which presents purportedly unscripted dramatic or humorous situations, documents actual events, and features ordinary people instead of professional actors.  Although the genre has existed in some form or another since the early years of television, the term reality television is most commonly used to describe programs produced since 2000.  Critics say that the term “reality television” is a misnomer.  Such shows frequently portray a modified and highly influenced form of reality, with participants put in exotic locations or abnormal situations, sometimes coached to act in certain ways by off-screen handlers, and with events on screen sometimes manipulated through editing and other post-production techniques.  The new Itchy and Scratchy Senate Show is slated to contain normal political manipulation with typical levels of abnormal Senate logic, and only the lice will be added. 

“I’m amped up about paying down the U.S. deficit with Rupert Murdock’s money and I’ll stuff lice down my Senators pants to make it work,” said a postal recipient and random walker often seen frequenting brothels and Wal-Mart.  “This new Itchy and Scratchy Senate Show will be the funniest thing to hit television since The Dukes of Hazzard and Bill Moyer’s Journal.”

In other news, reality and popsicles continue to be confused with one another by well meaning intellectuals who don’t want to define anything.

(C) 2008

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