Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Take No Shit Department
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
March 1, 2008
Losing your hair and tired of feeling bad about it? Wish you felt like you had hair and brimmed with confidence and conviction? Well cast dull care aside and hitch your follicle despondence to a true big fix!
Trade off that hair-loss fear and discomfort for thick-haired confidence like never before!
That’s right; now you can brim with the confidence that often eludes bald people and leaves them feeling weak and lethargic for no real good reason. We balding guys at Ronco Media decided it was time to cure what’s really ailing weak-kneed balding types. And we’re offering it to you at a tiny portion of what it’d normally cost using hair chemicals or replacement surgery and therapy or high-end psychics and psychotherapists. And we’re offering it all for a one-time payment of only $44.95.
Cure your fear of baldness quickly and easily like you never could have guessed!
How can we offer you new non-balding self confidence for little of nothing? It may seem rather complicated, but it’s really pretty simple. We’ve distilled the real essence of why most people feel bad about going bald, and it all boils down to a lack of self confidence. To cure your fear of baldness and convert it into a beautiful and powerful new version of yourself, we’ve packaged copies of “The Power of Positive Thinking,” by Norman Vincent Peale, along with “Bald Is Beautiful,” by Peter Taylor, and a list of powerful phrases you can use to tell people off, and will ship them to you in a plain brown wrapper. All for only $44.95. You’ll be brimming with renewed confidence and won’t give a rat’s ass if you loose your hair.
It’s proven to be one of the best and least costly cures for baldness ever!
Get your “Bald Cure for What Ails You” package by sending $44.95 plus $5.05 for shipping and handling, a total of $50.00 cash, and be telling anyone who looks down on you for loosing your hair with words and phrases you only hear in meat packing houses, and saying them with the confidence found only among Greek gods. Send the money and your mailing address to:
Ronco Media Take No Shit Department
Attn: Pissed-off but Confident Bald Guy on the Third Floor
New York, New York 54321
Fine print: There is a good chance that if you’re going bald, our approach won’t change that even if you read what we send and curse out ass-holes who mouth off about it. There is also a risk that some people may find you not only bald but also too crabby to be around. Most will just be jealous of your newfound confidence so we encourage you to tell them to go screw themselves and do what you want. Some other risks may apply but I wouldn’t worry about them. As always Ronco Media isn’t responsible for anything.
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