China Hikes Military Spending, U.S. Dem’s Like It

Time for Chinese to take lead in world

Inebriated Press
March 5, 2008

The International Herald Tribune reported yesterday that China is increasing its military spending by 17.6% to $58.8 billion dollars.  China has posted double-digit increases in annual defense every year as it builds more sophisticated weaponry for its massive 2.3 million-strong military, the world’s biggest standing force.  Democrat presidential candidates lauded the Chinese for their forward thinking and are eager for them to take the lead in world affairs.

“It’s about time that a country other than the United States provide security through strength to the world at large, and as president, I’ll reduce the U.S. presence in countries around the globe and am looking forward to China taking a larger role,” said presidential candidate Barack Obama, speaking through a Chinese interpreter at a fast food restaurant in Texas.  “The role of the U.S. in the future is to provide massive funding to the United Nations so that they can distribute it to countries with less than us.  By doing this, while letting China take over as the most powerful country in the world, and by letting Islamofascists do whatever they want, the U.S. will be able to live in peace and harmony.”

Not everyone is comfortable with the Chinese becoming the dominate world power or Islamofascists being allowed to do whatever they want.  “We didn’t trust Soviet communists or Fidel Castro, but the Chinese have become such good friends of ours that we import their lead based toys for our kids, turn over the majority of our manufacturing needs to them – including high technology – and eat their food containing antifreeze additives.  That I can understand, it makes great sense.  Kind of like shooting the toes off our feet with our own gun and wondering why we walk with a limp,” said Cathy Ireland, a well known muscle builder and historian often mistaken for an actress and model.  “I guess the U.S. really does want to become like France.  Except France can be France because a democracy like the U.S. is maintaining stability in the world.  I’m not so sure that Red Communist security and stability will be the same.”

The Tribune reported that China announced a further sharp increase in military spending Tuesday, as the United States renewed its warning that a lack of transparency surrounding the rapid buildup of the Chinese armed forces posed a threat to stability.  China’s military budget for 2008 would increase by 17.6 percent to 417.77 billion yuan, or $58.8 billion, Jiang Enzhu, spokesman for the Chinese Parliament, the National People’s Congress, said at a news conference. 

Foreign security experts in the United States and elsewhere say that Beijing’s real defense spending is two or three times the announced figure and that these sustained increases have put China on track to become a major military power and the country most capable of challenging U.S. dominance in East Asia.  In its annual report to Congress on the Chinese military, released Monday, the Pentagon said the international community had limited knowledge of the motivation behind China’s accelerating buildup and the capabilities it was developing.

“We can’t figure out why a country that lacks food resources and is severely short of oil and energy, but has billions of people, would want to build it’s military into the most powerful and dominant in the history of the world,” said Pentagon spokesperson A. Cluelessman, looking at his pocket lint for insight and common sense.  “I don’t know if there are any historical presidents involving countries with enormous military build-ups when confronted by severe shortages of critical needs.  I was thinking of looking into it but got side tracked watching American Idol.  Gosh I like that show.”

In other news, clueless Democrat candidates and an occasional moron at the Pentagon continue to make regular Americans nervous.  U.S. citizens want to do the right thing but are still uncomfortable giving up their right to bear arms.  Most are just hunters, but some people think they may need to defend themselves.  “Someone has to do it,” said an innocent bystander, struggling to deal with the lack of common sense so pervasive in American politics.  “If we get Democrat leaders who won’t keep us strong, I guess it’s up to me.”

(C) 2008

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