Style of Football Scares MVP QB
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
March 13, 2008
Brazil based meat packer JBS has announced that it is purchasing a Green Bay, Wisconsin meat packing company. Green Bay is the home of Lambeau Field and the Green Bay Packers NFL football team. Confusion over the purchase of the meat packer led Quarterback Brett Favre to retire, citing the difference between Brazilian “football” and American “football” as too great for him to overcome.
“I’ve been in the NFL playing football for 17 years and am darn good at it, but when I learned that the Brazilians had taken over, I knew that I’d never fit in or be able to compete,” said three-time MVP Favre, choking back tears and wiping his eyes with 100-dollar bills. “They don’t throw forward passes in their style of football and for a quarterback like myself, that pretty much takes me out of the picture.”
Not everyone thinks that the purchase of the Green Bay packer will result in changes at the Green Bay Packers. “It’s true that the plant the Brazilians bought was once the old Green Bay Packing company that resulted in the NFL team, the Green Bay Packers, but times have changed and meat plant workers don’t play NFL football, and the meat company managers no longer control how the football game is played in Wisconsin,” said Casey Kasem, an expert in meat company mergers and a part-time radio host often confused with an aerospace engineer. “Favre is over-reacting and needs to kick back, listen to American Top 10 and chill out. The Brazilians don’t give a shit about what he’s doing. Only Wisconsin cheese heads care.”
Smithfield Foods Inc. announced last week that it has agreed to sell its Green Bay, Wisconsin beef processing and cattle feeding business, for $565 million in cash to Brazil’s JBS SA. And Brett Favre, the Green Bay Packer Quarterback for 17 seasons announced his retirement. Favre just finished his best season in a decade. He finished among the top six NFL quarterbacks in passing yards, touchdown passes, completion percentage and rating. His Packers won 13 games and hosted the NFC title game, which they lost by three points in overtime. Brazil Soccer is famous all over the world for its brilliant performance and unique technique of playing the game. In American football the quarterback throws the ball frequently, but in Brazilian football, it’s against the rules to throw the ball.
“It’s not our intention to change the way American football is played, even if they do it all wrong,” said JBS meat company spokesperson and football aficionado Barbara Bombshell, a young women whose chest often is confused with a pair of soccer balls. “The Packer football player could have hung around, we don’t care. All we want to do is kill some cows and sell them for meat. The NFL can do whatever it wants.”
In other news, a recent beef recall has hurt some U.S. meat companies financially as their meat has been pulled off the shelves. No word on whether the recall resulted in Favre being pulled from the shelf in Green Bay, or if it was completely voluntary.
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