26 Percent of 14 to 19 Year-Old U.S. Women are Diseased

Risk and Reward; the Life and Times of STDs

Inebriated Press
March 18, 2008

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has published a new study that says 26 percent of young women between the ages of 14 and 19 in the United States is infected with at least one sexually transmitted disease (STD).  According to the report 48 percent of black women have STD’s and 20 percent of whites.  Equal rights advocates are upset that fewer white women are diseased and are lobbying Congress to increase STD’s among the pale girls.

“Clearly the white chicks aren’t passing around disease at the rate black women are and that shows a lack of equality and we believe that no white girl should be treated for STDs until a proper level of equilibrium is established,” said ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero, handing out “How to Have Risky Sex” pamphlets to white Middle School girls at Happy Hooker High.  “This is no time to get caught up in arguments over whether abstinence is a good thing, or whether people should have fewer than ten partners.  That’s the kind of thing that bothersome moralists trot out at times like these, when more socially evolved people know that indiscriminate sex has nothing to do with the issue.  It’s about rights and equality.”

Still some people think that indiscriminate sex with multiple individuals could transfer STDs regardless of color or social background.  “I can catch a cold by hanging around kids with colds, and I can accumulate stuff from kids if I run around taking things out of their pockets and putting them into mine,” said Angus McGee, a six year old who attends Andrew Jackson Elementary School and has frequent bouts of common sense.  “I don’t know what an STD is, but if people who have it do close-up stuff with people who don’t, the people who don’t might get some of it on them, and then they’ll have it too.  I got some bubble gum on me that way once.”

The results of the study were presented last week at a CDC conference in Chicago on preventing sexually transmitted diseases.  The report said that one in four U.S. girls between the ages of 14 and 19 carries at least one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases (human papillomavirus (HPV), chlamydia, herpes simplex virus, and trichomoniasis).  African-American teenage girls were most severely affected.  Nearly half of the young African-American women (48 percent) were infected with an STD, compared to 20 percent of young white women.  The two most common STDs overall were human papillomavirus, or HPV (18 percent), and chlamydia (4 percent).  CDC recommends that girls and women between the ages of 11 and 26 be vaccinated against HPV.  CDC has no problem with indiscriminate sex, but are big on vaccinations.

“Everyone likes random and indiscriminate sex including former president Bill Clinton and former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, so you know that there’s noting wrong with it,” said Wendy “Boom Boom” LaRue, a part-time CDC executive and a full time hooker who enjoys spreading cheer and STD’s among the general population.  “It’s got nothing to do with equality or morality, those are just ideas that folks with some kind of social agenda have.  Bang who you want, just make sure there are plenty of drugs around and get vaccinated early and often.  Sure you have pain sometimes and occasionally a part will fall off, but that’s no big deal.  It’s going to happen sooner or later anyway.”

In other news, presidential contenders Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have yet to say if they’ll eventually partner up and run together as candidates for president and vice president of the United States.  No word on which or how many STD’s they currently partner with either.

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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