Cartoons Worse than Killing Women & Children

Osama bin Laden teaches ethics befitting his vision of the coming new age

Inebriated Press
March 21, 2008

A jihadist Web site Wednesday posted a message from Osama bin Laden ripping Europeans for allowing their newspapers to republish cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad.  Bin Laden said the cartoons are worse than killing women and children.  He said that by publishing the cartoons Europe had abandoned the “morals of fighting.”  Apparently that means that the indiscriminate murder of innocents is a fine thing, but a drawing is morally wrong.  Citizens of the Evil Empire admit confusion.

“Let me get this straight.  The slaughter of a child and beheading of an innocent woman is okay if you’re trying to make a political point, but an ink drawing that infers that a religion has incited violence, should be met by people of that religion with violence?” asked Pippy Longstocking, an American girl busily weaving her long red hair into an unholy set of pig-tails.  “I thought religion bore within it a certain expression of morality that was above human nature and that we are to aspire to a higher level of love, kindness and ethical behavior.  Either human nature has evolved above Bin Laden’s religion, or his practice of religion has devolved into the darker side of human nature.  Either way, Bin Laden’s expression of the will of god doesn’t work unless your god is Satan.”

Not everyone sees it the way Pippy does.  “The highest morality that a human can achieve is the transcendental understanding that life and death are irrelevant within the ether known as time and space,” said philosopher and terrorist-enabler Bin Laden, worshiping a notion of someone he no longer knows.  “Cartoons are a greater reality than life and as such any pen and ink drawing that depicts something I disagree with should be met with the wholesale slaughter of men, women and children.  As the most religious man I know, it’s my deep understanding of the inner workings of god that impels me to want to kill everyone who disagrees with me and my view of the coming new age of the caliphate.  In that age all men of proper faith will be free to abuse women and children without cartoonists questioning their motives.  We will be one with the highest order of invisible morality.  You might not see it, but it’s there somewhere.”

ABC News reported Wednesday that in a five-minute audio message entitled, “The Response Is What You See, Not What You Hear,” bin Laden accuses Europeans of abandoning the “etiquettes of disputes and morals of fighting,” by reprinting cartoons he says insults the prophet Muhammad.  He said he considers the reprinting of the cartoons a more serious offense than the killing of women and children and that his revenge for republishing the cartoons “will be more severe.”  Bin Laden concluded his message by saying if there are no checks on the Europeans’ freedom to speak; then there will be no checks on his freedom to act.  Bin Laden’s message came on the fifth anniversary of the U.S.-led invasion in Iraq, an apparent error in U.S. judgment that has now lead to damnable freedom of speech in that country.

“No one should be allowed freedom of speech or freedom of expression and no woman should be allowed in public without wearing a full body tent, because Bin Laden says so and that’s that,” said self proclaimed transcendentalist and astronaut wannabee Yusuf Wiglesbottom, a delightful gentleman whose plans for nuclear holocaust and genocide mirror Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s.  “And it really angers me that Americans have an appreciation for an infidel president named Abraham Lincoln whose use of the name Abraham is akin to an evil cartoon of Mohammad.  Think of the apostasy of using the patriarch Abrahams name for a U.S. president and then thinking he was a good person because he freed slaves and spoke about the importance of freedom and individual rights.  Mohammad came from the real Abraham line and only Islamofascists have a right to use the name.  Damnable American bastards, heathens and infidels the whole lot of them.  We will kill them all as the cartoon depictions of Muhammad infer, and then kill the Europeans because of their inference.”

In other news, Stratfor says the U.S. has been empowering the Iraqi Sunnis, Iranians’ mortal enemies.  The U.S. effort to forge a democracy in Iraq has been fought by Shia, the same religious group than runs Iran.  Reportedly the U.S. tired of trying to create balance in the country with Iran running interference by smuggling weapons and explosives to Iraqi Shia and backing guys like cleric Muqtada al-Sadr.  So the U.S. decided to partner with the Sunnis to offset the Shia.  Iran is stunned by the move and worried that a powerful Iraqi Sunni block backed by the U.S. may screw up their plan for dominating the Middle East.  No word on whether there are any Iraqi-U.S. cartoons that are pissing them off too.

(C) 2008

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