New Study finds that Hot Babes Want It All

Attractive women are pickier about mates

Inebriated Press
March 25, 2008

Science Daily reported Monday that the more attractive a woman believes she is the more likely she will hold on to high standards in pursuit of a mate.  Researchers said women who consider themselves physically attractive wanted guys who were good looking, had money or the potential to be good earners, were loyal and devoted, and wanted children and had a desire to parent them.  The study said these women wouldn’t trade down no matter how drunk they got or how near the bar was to closing.  Ugly guys and skank women are pissed and want an equal shot at good lookers with talent and money.

“This is just one more biased study that says women who are good looking will hold out for the ideal guy and think that they’ve got better odds of hooking one,” said Heavy Lode, a stripper from Queens who compensates for her face with the size of her chest.  “The study may show what these women think but it doesn’t say a damn thing about what they can pull off.  Why are half of all marriages ending in divorce?  It’s because I’m smart and fun and have the silicon necessary to get these guys to bail on stuck up hot chicks who ‘want it all’ but don’t give shit back.  I give, baby.  I get, because I give.”

Not every good looking woman after an ideal guy thinks they need to have stripper hots to get the guys worth having.  “I consider myself an average looking woman with fussy taste but I have lots to give and no inhibitions about giving it when I found the right guy,” said Sally Ride, an aerospace scientist and part time waitress often confused for an astronaut.  “I’ve been happily married for twelve years and no hot chick or stripper can take my man because he’s got no reason to go anywhere.  It’s never been only about hooking the guy with your looks.  It’s about you as a person.  Women who are really good looking have an initial advantage, just like the stripper with big tits.  But unless that’s all the guy’s interested in, you’ve got to have more than looks and jugs to build a long term relationship.  But I suppose I have a bias toward common sense.  I’ve always had a problem that way.”

Science Daily said the new study from The University of Texas at Austin revealed women’s preferences can be influenced by their own attractiveness.  David Buss, psychology researcher at the university, has published the findings in “Attractive Women Want it All: Good Genes, Economic Investment, Parenting Proclivities and Emotional Commitment” in this month’s Evolutionary Psychology.  Buss and Todd Shackelford, psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University, found women ideally want partners who have all the characteristics they desire, but they will calibrate their standards based on their own desirability.  Interestingly, a study published in Personal Relationships last November said their study found that individuals – both men and women – who exhibit positive traits, such as honesty and helpfulness, are perceived as better looking.  The debate over what constitutes “attractive” and “better looking” continues.

“One mans skank is another mans babe and one woman’s Neanderthal is another woman’s he-man,” said Albert Einstein, a funny looking scientist with bad hair who invented The Theory of Relativity but could never find his socks.  “Perception can be reality and beauty is only skin deep and what you see is what you get but not always, and if you take beets and cook them the water is redder than when you bake potatoes.  What is the constant in all that?  Nothing.  And that is exactly what you’ll find in most of these studies.  You find what you want to find.  You like who you want to like.  Now leave me alone.  I’ve been dead since ’55 and should be left alone.  How did you get in here anyway?”

(C) 2008

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