Leaders Lead by Doing and Saying Whatever They Want

Truth or Lies, from New York to North Korea

Inebriated Press
March 31, 2008

The new New York Governor David Paterson, said last week that he is done revealing his extra marital affairs, drug use and other illegal activities and it was time to get focused on running the state.  Meanwhile, Kim Jong-il, the old dictator of North Korea, launched some missiles into the sea on Friday and said he wasn’t going to comply with agreements he made to disable the country’s nuclear facilities unless the U.S. stops asking him for proof that he’s actually doing it.  The value of proof, lies and admissions of guilt by government leaders continues to be debated.

“I don’t care how much sex American leaders purchase illegally or the kinds of illegal drugs they take or how often they admit it,” said North Korean leader Jong-il, polishing a saber to show he can.  “I never have to admit to anything or prove that I’m doing anything.  The West should just take me at my word and keep sending me oil, food and money.  Many Americans just don’t seem to understand that government leaders can do whatever they want and everyone is supposed to give us what we ask and let us alone.  Is that such a hard concept to understand?  Send me more money and designer jumpsuits.  It’s the only way to placate me.  Now come on, get with it. Chop chop!  I’m a leader damn it.”

Not everyone is convinced that placating dictators is the right thing to do or that governors or other “leaders” who admit a long list of illegal activities should get a pass.  “I kept letting Jimmy Wilson take my lunch money so he wouldn’t beat me up and he beat me up anyway and took my back pack,” said Gabby “Glock” Jones, a precocious 9-year old who once shot her way out of a knife fight during recess.  “Bullies who lie and cheat keep lying and cheating until you stop them.  I stopped Jimmy Wilson.  When I pulled my gun he admitted he did wrong stuff and said we should just forget about it.  I shot him anyway.  His leg’s mostly healed now, and he won’t come near me.  He didn’t used to believe me when I said I’d had enough.  He believes me now.  I like that.”

The Washington Post reported that North Korea test-fired a volley of missiles into the sea Friday and warned that it might stop disabling its nuclear facilities unless the United States drops its demands for more details about the North’s nuclear arsenal.  And Daily News reported that New York Governor Paterson said Wednesday he’s zipping his lips when it comes to talking about his personal life.  Since taking office two weeks ago, Paterson has confessed to an extramarital affair during an interview with Daily News columnist Juan Gonzalez, and later admitted to additional dalliances.  He also admitted to using marijuana and cocaine during an interview with NY channel 1.  Some think his eyebrow-raising revelations have threatened his ability to govern effectively.  But others that leaders shouldn’t be held to the same standards as regular folks.

“Once you’re in power no one should have the right to question what you do or why you do it,” said former president Bill Clinton, pulling a cigar out from between the thighs of a former intern and putting it in his left nostril.  “So Jong-il lies about his nuclear capabilities and launches some missiles and the governor of New York sleeps around and does drugs; none of those things affect their abilities to govern.  I did shit that no one knows about and the few things folks learned some didn’t like.  So what?  I had sex with strangers in most of the rooms in the White House.  I swapped out tampons for cigars with female interns and pardoned convicted drug traffickers and arms dealers.  Maybe I actually did inhale some illegal stuff once in a while.  It’s all in a days work.  Leaders sometimes have to do things that other people won’t do, because damn it, we’re leaders.  A leader is someone who takes the lead.  That’s what we do.  Now get over it.”

In other news, rule of law still seems to be considered useful in maintaining a just state and a lot of people in the U.S. feel that it’s required for civil society.  But some disagree.  “Chaos is the natural order of things and it takes strong leaders to guide us towards it in a united hoping-for-change kind of way,” said Barack Obama while burning an American flag and channeling Hillary Clinton who was busy in a Bosnian fire fight.  “It takes leaders to lead and god-damn-America that’s something I’m good at.  Now if you’ll get your typical white ass out of my way, I’ve got shit to do.”

(C) 2008 InebriatedPress.com

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