Diet Coke May Be Scrambling Your Brain Chemistry

New study on artificial sweetener and brain enzyme function spots trouble

Inebriated Press
April 9, 2008

A new study produced by university scientists and published recently in the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition, says that too high an intake of the sweetener aspartame may inhibit the ability of enzymes in the brain to function normally.  The artificial sweetener is used in numerous soft drinks and other diet products and has previously been tied to cancer in rats.  The new study says it may also compromise learning, emotional functioning and may even result in brain degeneration.  Not everyone is concerned.

“This is another study that involves ingesting way more of the chemical additive than most people will use and there’s nothing inherently risky about consuming unnatural additives in moderation,” said research chemist and toxic waste distributer Chin Ho Lee, a Chinese expert in exporting lead, asbestos and diethyl glycol, an antifreeze additive used as a sweetener in toothpaste and cough syrup they export to the West.  “Westerners get too upset about consuming byproducts that can harm them.  You need to chill out and relax and get ready to have your asses kicked at the Beijing Olympic Games this summer.  You think additives are something, wait until you see our DNA doped athletes.  You guys chug diet caffeine drinks for a boost.  We alter peoples DNA code to enhance performance.  You guys are way behind the times.”

Some scientists are concerned that the ongoing chemical cocktails that Americans swallow everyday are why we can’t beat cancer and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  “On the face of it, all chemical additives in your food, clothing, items in your home and surrounding environment are all safe individually,” said Gloria Ann Whetback, an illegal alien in the U.S. studying the effects of chemical compounds on humpbacked whales and men under forty.  “It’s the cocktail that is created when we consume a mixture of additives and then sit in an environment of petro chemicals and synthetic clothing and plastics that all together create toxicity and cause allergic reactions.  You don’t really think that sitting in a pool of unnatural chemicals called your dinning room doesn’t have any effect on you, do you?  You’re lucky you can walk half the time, let alone think straight.”

Food Quality News reported that scientists from the University of Pretoria and the University of Limpopo published the study in European Journal of Clinical Nutrition and it indicates high consumption of the sweetener aspartame can cause neurological and behavioral disturbances in sensitive individuals, and may even lead to neurodegeneration.  Aspartame is made up of phenylalanine (50 per cent), aspartic acid (40 per cent) and methanol (10 per cent).  It is commonly used as a no-calorie sweetener in food products for the diet or low calorie market, including soft drinks and chewing gums. 

The study said that symptoms reported include headaches, insomnia and seizures.  They found aspartame can disturb the metabolism of amino acids, protein structure and metabolism, the integrity of nucleic acids, neuronal function and endocrine balances.  It also may change the brain concentrations of catecholamines, which include norepinephrine, epinephrine and domapine.  The sweetener has caused much controversy amid suspicions on whether it is entirely safe, with studies linking the ingredient and cancer in rats.  As a result of their study, the researchers said more testing is required to further determine the health effects on aspartame and bring an end to the controversy.  Political pundits in the U.S. say the new study is shedding light on the current state of American politics.

“Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are both heavy Diet Coke drinkers and this explains why Hillary said she was dodging sniper fire in Bosnia and Barack was doing property deals in Chicago with a known racketeer under indictment,” said social scientist and faith healer Psychedelic Bob, a Democrat insider who occasionally channels dead political operatives to get new ideas.  “It’s not their fault; they are victims of late nights and heavy diet soda consumption.  It’s not that they lie or do shady deals because they want to.  It’s what they think is right at any given moment.  On the other hand heavy aspartame use is helpful when they want to discuss their vision of the future.  They both actually see the visions.  It’s why I feel they’re the best hope for human kind.”

In other news, the Washington Post reported last Saturday that China is vowing to ramp up a campaign of “patriotic education” in Tibet.  As part of the education they are requiring Tibetan Buddhist monks to denounce the Dalai Lama and declare their loyalty to Beijing.  No word on whether they get the monks hopped up on excessive artificial sweetener first.

(C) 2008

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