Sex and Drugs Really Do Benefit Society

Pot Smoker U. and Pole Dancing Charity

Inebriated Press
April 15, 2008

Scientists at the University of Iowa are offering marijuana smokers $600 to smoke their pot so they can study the effects of the drug. And Laura Fraser, a UK mom has organized a pole dancing training event to raise cash for a Cystic Fibrosis Trust fund to fight disease. Finally society is formally reaching out to take hold of powerful new benefits provided by sex and drugs.

“Many beneficial movements have had to develop in secret and out of public view because of old social mores and the belief that change is always bad,” said social scientist and Cuban cigar backer, Leslie Small, a short but clever woman whose pro-tobacco stance is frowned upon by current trend followers. “Women’s rights, birth control, the earth not being flat and sugarless gum were all frowned upon initially, but when adopted and mainstreamed they became positive influences on all of society and culture. Paying people to smoke grass and encouraging donations linked to the art of stripping are examples of another step toward fully accepting recreational drugs and public nudity which can only enhance society and Western culture. Now when the U.S. realizes that if it’s okay to do billions of dollars in trade with Communist Red Chinese, then it’s also okay to buy fine cigars from Cuba, we’ll have made another advancement.”

Not everyone thinks that funding cannabis smoking and stripper training is the way to advance Western society. “You don’t need to pay kids to toke up, just go to the right dorm on the right night and you can study all the effects you want,” said Iowa student, Hawk Eye, claiming that’s his real name. “The U is wasting money. They should be donating it to the stripper cause to fight disease. Neither of these may benefit society as much as a return to common sense, but what the hey, we’ve all given up on that making a come-back.”

Associated Press reported that a group of University of Iowa scientists is looking for marijuana smokers to help gain insight into the drug’s effects. And they plan to pay subjects as much as $600 to smoke their pot. The study examines how marijuana affects brain function and cognition, with particular attention to the duration of use and the age of first use. They will use brain imaging studies and achievement tests, such as for math and verbal skills, to measure impacts.

Laura Fraser, a British mother, struggled to find out what illness her daughter Lee Grace was suffering from and turned to the Internet for help after the medical establishment could discover nothing. Research she did on the web led her to believe it was cystic fibrosis. She was right. Had she not made the diagnosis herself, her daughter would have died before doctors figured it out. Now she wants to help others and has organized a sponsored pole dancing training event to raise cash for the Bromley Cystic Fibrosis Trust. The event will be held at the Lounge Bar, White Horse Hill, Chislehurst, England. She hopes this will raise £3,500 for the charity.  Funding research continues to be important to a number of causes.

“Money still drives research and using it to watch stoners on MJ or young babes learn how to strip for charity are the mothers’ milk of Western culture and the advancement of new science and entertainment,” said a reformed Islamofascist, who now believes that forcing women to stay hidden beneath body covering tents was a crazy idea. “I’m guessing that the commitment to killing infidels by brain-washed improvised Middle Eastern kids will still result in the West being crushed, because stoned scientists watching strippers aren’t going to defend their way of life. But, I’ve decided to ride it out in the West anyway because no matter what happens, it’s a hell of a lot more fun over here. This individual rights stuff is a real hoot. No wonder you folks fight for it when you’re conscious.”

In other news, the UK Telegraph newspaper reported Sunday that fashion magazines have begun manipulating images of skinny models to make them look “fatter” than they really are. The article said it is now deemed just as negative to be too thin as too fat. No word on whether they’ll pay models to watch them eat more, or whether they’ll start a stripper fundraising campaign to finance encouragement to eat meat protein again.

(C) 2008

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