Dress for success takes new turn
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
April 15, 2008
ABC News reported last week that an elementary school in Reedsburg, Wisconsin encourages kids to dress up as members of the opposite sex as part of a school tradition. And ABC News reported earlier this month that thousands of Wal-Mart videos from company events are available to the highest bidder, including clips with prancing Wal-Mart men in drag. Wal-Mart isn’t happy with the leaked videos and the elementary school isn’t admitting to transgender promotion, but insiders say the school is part of Wal-Mart’s executive development program.
“Wal-Mart is a classic corporation that works hard to develop cross-dressing executives in elementary schools and imports hard working illegal aliens to do the grunt work,” said Sardonic Valu, a man of questionable ethics and notorious womanizing but whose leaked information is usually pretty good. “Its part of a corporate-public partnership that utilizes the best of transgender-promoting schools with companies that need transgender executives to manage illegal employees willing to work for very low pay. It’s a win-win situation with a long history of tradition extending all the way back to Greece with slaves, homosexuals and public figures. I expect more companies to adopt the Wal-Mart executive development model if the Romans don’t attack first.”
Not everyone is sure that elementary schools should promote cross-dressing even if it’s good for career development. “Kids that age are too young to understand their current genders let alone experiment with the notion of being or pretending to have a different one,” said Jimmy Z, a talk radio host who often pretends he has a different real name, but wouldn’t be caught dead in a Tutu. “Let the elementary kids be kids and don’t try to mess with their sexuality until you give them condoms in middle school health class. It’s enough that schools out east are giving eleven year old girls birth control patches. Let’s not encourage the boys to use them too.”
ABC News reported that Pineview Elementary had been dressing in costume as part of an annual school tradition and has begun encouraging students to dress either as senior citizens or as members of the opposite sex. A Milwaukee-based radio network responded by interrupting its morning programming for a special broadcast that aired on nine radio stations throughout Wisconsin. The broadcast criticized the dress-up day and accused the district of promoting alternative lifestyles. The school denied it was encouraging transgender behavior.
Flagler Productions Inc., a production company in Lenexa, Kansas which has filmed Wal-Mart corporate events over the years, is offering thousands of the videos for sale to anyone with enough money. The videos include everything from tough anti-union talks to the wilder side of men in drag, ABC News reported. Wal-Mart is currently defending itself in a lawsuit that claims widespread sex discrimination regarding issues of salary and promotional opportunities on behalf of at least 1.6 million female employees. Wal-Mart says it’s trying harder to do what’s right.
“Our corporate executive transgender-cross-dressing initiative reaches all the way to elementary school and it’s an important part of our new inclusive and open hiring, promotion and career development track,” said the ghost of Sam Walton, through a Chinese interpreter during our interview at a Russian Hooters. “We didn’t want the videos out, but now that they are people may as well know that I’m actually a woman, but that’s not the point here. The point is that we’re a very open company and we do promote men and women fairly and also promote men who dress like women and visa versa. At Wal-Mart we are our own small country and we like to act like one. Being all sexes to all people is just one more of our fine company attributes.”
In other news, Australia’s Daily Telegraph reported a disgruntled wife in Malaysia is suing her husband for one million dollars over the loss of her virginity. No word on whether she’s unhappy with how she lost it, or if the lawsuit is because he’s wearing her clothes.
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