Love and Sex with Robots

Moving beyond vibrators and inflatable’s
Who will turn you on: Dr John’s Porn Shack or Hewlett Packard?

Inebriated Press
April 17, 2008

BBC News reported this week that by the middle of the century our relationships with the machines that currently service our businesses and social lives will have grown significantly, and that intelligent robots will be sexual partners too. Writing in ‘Love + Sex with Robots’ David Levy says the term “hitting the machines” will no longer mean going to workout at the gym. Some people can hardly wait.

“Guys will be jumping mechanical maidens and women will be rubbed the right way by machinery studs with more torque and a gentler touch than Mr. Olympia on Prozac,” said Shawna Servs-Meright, a slender raven-haired engineer who lusts after a blend of hydraulics’ and silicon the way some women want chocolate. “Who wouldn’t buy or rent the rights to orgasm on demand by a programmable mind with perfect touch doing your wishes every time it does you. I want in on the ground floor of this market baby.”

Not everyone likes the idea of mindless mechanical sex with programmable hardware. “The organic components are underestimated and provide unique characteristics in an eye-contact hot sweaty moaning and groaning kind of way that I won’t get with industrial robotics doinking my stuff,” said Maribel Masterson-Leeway, an eligible maiden who manages her business and personal relationships with penosh, but likes to retain a margin of flexibility in everything she does. “I’m not saying that a good slow mechanical flush without some guys mental baggage wouldn’t go well on an occasional quiet evening, but there’s nothing quite like the natural organic elements of the real deal when it’s done right. I’m a high-tech chick but I eat organic too. There’s something to be said for a high-touch roll in the hay with someone you care for more than Microsoft.”

Levy’s book, ‘Love + Sex with Robots’, has attracted a lot of attention from computer scientists, psychologists and those just interested in the idea of having sex with a machine. Levy says he thinks that human/machine marriages will be taking place, as people find the companionship they are looking for in ultra-realistic robots who never tire of them, never get bored with their jokes and never leave the toilet seat up. Levy is as an International Master who was closely involved in the development of chess-playing programs and a former winner of the Loebner Prize for programs that can have human-like conversations. Levy points out that artificial devices have been used for sex for many centuries, so there is nothing intrinsically implausible about the idea that humans may want to engage in sexual acts with robots. There seems to be some logic to it.

“Guys fall in love with dumb blondes and women fall for muscle-bound Neanderthals and you can’t find intelligence much more artificial than that,” said Brite Bulb, a happy spectre that sat glowing and blinking so that no one could tell whether it was real or imagined. “What is intelligence? Isn’t that one of the questions of our time? What is reality or what is real? Do we define reality or does it define us? What I perceive as real is my reality and what you perceive as real is your reality. If we hook up and get it on, who’s to say it’s more real with you than a machine? Since my brain tells me what my reality is based on inputs through my senses, I have on occasion had a hotter time in my dreams than when I’ve spent time with a physical connection. I love the concept behind a metaphysical body-mind orgasm that makes my flesh and brain tingle simultaneously and causes me to vibrate for 24 hours. But what’s it matter if it’s all in my head and what takes me nearest there is actually lubed and latex covered stainless steel programmed by Steve Jobs?”

In other news, Americans will be going to the polls to vote for president later this year and the debate over what makes a candidate a good leader continues. Word is still out on whether the voters’ dreams of a good ime will end up real or only imagined.

(C) 2008

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