Alzheimer’s and Capital Punishment Linked to Bad Habits

U.S. Supreme Court OK’s Lethal Injection of Those Convicted of the Habit of Killing Others
Study Shows Drinking and Smoking Habits Linked to Development of Alzheimer’s Disease

Inebriated Press
April 18, 2008

The International Herald Tribune reported yesterday that the U.S. Supreme Court voted 7-to-2 to uphold Kentucky’s lethal injection method of putting condemned prisoners to death. And BBC News reported that U.S. researchers found heavy drinkers and smokers develop Alzheimer’s disease six to seven years earlier than those who do not smoke or drink. The debate over whether bad habits should result in the penalty of early death or poor health heats up.

“It’s inappropriate for society or nature to shorten life of any kind just because a person has abused their body or killed others,” said Libby Media, a wiry liberal who believes that consequences are superfluous and regularly protests the law of gravity and the concept of inertia. “Life and health is precious and no government or act of nature should intervene in its termination — except of course for unborn babies and euthanasia for old people. And bugs, I hate bugs.”

Some people think that there are natural consequences for certain actions and that the value of human life makes it imperative that those who destroy it deserve to be destroyed themselves. “If you abuse alcohol you’re going to burn out your liver and kill yourself, and if you intentionally take a human life then you forfeit your own, it’s that simple,” said Qwik Draww, a tall thin guy with a weakness toward complex women and simple justice. “If a law can’t be written in one sentence or a short paragraph, then you’re using bull shit and hyperbole. Unfortunately that’s what most lawyers want. Gives them all jobs and keeps the legal profession in a constant growth mode. Dumb as hell for the country though.”

The Supreme Court rejected claims that officials in Kentucky administered a common sequence of three drugs in a manner that posed an unconstitutional risk that a condemned inmate would suffer acute yet undetectable pain. Supporters of the death penalty welcomed the decision, though they suggested that it could have been more definitive. Opponents of the death penalty said the decision was little more than a road map for more litigation. And U.S. researchers presenting at an American Academy of Neurology meeting said they found that heavy drinking, defined as more than two drinks a day was found to lead to an almost five-year earlier onset of Alzheimer’s. And those who smoked more than 20 cigarettes a day developed the disease two years sooner. Regardless the debate over the nature of consequences, bad habits continue to be linked to repercussions.

“It’s a damn shame, but it looks like there is something to the notion that every action generates a reaction and that If-Then Statements are still key to computer functionality regardless of how much we want random chance to make everything work out okay,” said Hope Preferred, a busty redhead who likes conscious thought and dislikes men who behave like Neanderthals. “For a long time I had hoped that a good attitude and more encouragement would slow societies increasing murder trend and help me lose fifteen pounds. Now I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to have to diet and exercise, and that if we blow away a killer he can’t kill again. It’s a shame but sometimes you have to do serious shit if you want to accomplish serious shit. Any other way is just pretend.”

In other news, Fox reported this week that Madonna’s husband prefers eating cookies over having sex with her. The online article said Guy Ritchie went on the Cookie Diet, lost weight and his interest in sex. Sanford Siegal, the doctor who created the Cookie Diet in 1975, responded to the news, saying that he has “treated more than 500,000 patients” and he “can’t recall any of them reporting a similar effect on their sexual appetite.” No word on whether Madonna’s habits have resulted in the Guy Ritchie effects.

(C) 2008

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