Guns and God in Pennsylvania, Activists and Bombs in Chicago

“You’re wimpy and bitter, but I’m shrewd and capable”
Obama’s arrogance drips on his shoes, staining them

Inebriated Press
April 28, 2008

Presidential candidate Barack Obama’s statement that policies other than his have left Pennsylvanians with little to cling to but god and guns, has been rattling around the campaign for a week or so and has his competitor Hillary Clinton discussing the good old days when she and her grandfather shot stuff in the back yard while praying. Obama called her Annie Oakley and other pundits imagined her shooting back at Bosnian snipers. But connections between Barack and William Ayers, a 1960’s radical who planted bombs in the Pentagon, and between Barack and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright who denounced the U.S. after 9-11 saying the U.S. and Al Qaeda were the same, have some people wondering what version of guns and god Obama is clinging too.

“Barack says he’s got the answers to cure poor bitter rural Americans who go to church and like to hunt because his friends can build and plant bombs in the Pentagon and his version of god is represented by a guy who says the U.S. government invented and injected HIV into blacks to subjugate them, and that America’s bitter war with Japan is the same as Al Qaeda’s attack on America and the West,” said A. Baffled Voter, a one-time gun owner who gave it up for Lent and now carries a slingshot to foil bear attacks. “I don’t know. I think I like the church-going duck hunters better. They seem less dangerous to my freedom and don’t insult my common sense.”

But some say Obama is just calling it the way it is. “White trash are always talking about gods-will as if they know it, and run around shooting animals all over the countryside as though their way of killing is somehow better than drive-by shootings on the east side,” said I.M. Best, a Democrat activist who knows better than you do. “He knows that god should damn white America just like his twenty-year pastor does and that we’ll all be better off once Barack is in power and shuts down the Pentagon or blows it up. That’ll put us way ahead of where we are today where people get to spend most of the money they earn and refuse to send it to the U.N. for them to distribute. Crazy American’s for freedom through representative government. Can’t wait to get that out of the way.”

Talking about how the loss of jobs over 25 years has sapped the hope of small-town Pennsylvania residents, Obama said at a San Francisco fund-raiser, “they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion.” After the quotes surfaced on a political blog, Democratic rival Hillary Clinton and GOP hopeful John McCain immediately decried them as evidence that Obama is “elitist” or “out of touch.” Obama launched a damage-limitation exercise. “I said something everybody knows is true, which is there are a whole bunch of folks in small towns in Pennsylvania, in towns right here in Indiana, in my home town in Illinois, who are bitter,’ he said, making folks feel a whole lot better.

William Ayers, a Weather Underground member, a friend of Barack Obama, and former neighbor, now holds the position of distinguished professor of education at the University of Illinois-Chicago. Although avoiding conviction, he told the New York Times in September 2001, “I don’t regret setting bombs…I feel we didn’t do enough.” Obama and Ayers lived within a few blocks of each other in the trendy Hyde Park section of Chicago, and moved in the same liberal-progressive circles.

Videos of Obama’s spiritual advisor for twenty years, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, have been circulating on the Internet and have been a topic of much discussion and debate. Wright’s sermons, in which he said “God damn America” and blamed the U.S. government for introducing HIV into the black community and saying the U.S. was no different than Al Qaeda caused Obama to say he didn’t hear those sermons and knew nothing about them, but eventually he said he knew but didn’t agree with Wright. Wright has been close to Obama for over two decades and officiated at his wedding, baptized his daughters and inspired the title of his book, “The Audacity of Hope.”

“This election is all about change and hope and people need to forget about the little details that shape and define a person’s character,” said Lusty Passion, a strong Bill Clinton supporter whose trip to the Oval office was less than she’d hoped because her dress didn’t require cleaning afterward. “We all need to get behind Obama’s dream for a brighter future through government control. Because if we don’t, I’ll get bitter and god help me I’ll shoot somebody.”

In related news, in 2001 president Bill Clinton commuted the sentences of Susan Rosenberg, a Weather Underground member like Obama’s friend, who was convicted on explosives charges and had been linked to a Brinks truck robbery conspiracy, and also Linda Sue Evans, who had been serving a 40-year sentence for weapons violations and for her role in a conspiracy to bomb the U.S. Capitol. No word on how close Bill was to William Ayers, but since Ayers donated to the Obama for president campaign and not to Hillary’s apparently Bill didn’t help him out enough.

(C) 2008

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